Blog 9
Welcome back!
My name is Wylie and I’m your PainPAL
Thanks for checking out my Blog and Reading about my experiences related to #ChronicPain, #Disability, #Depression, Activities of Daily Living and Quality of Life. Today, I’m introducing a new #PainPAL #Blog #series called,
“The Pain Chronicles”
I hope ‘Pain Chronicles’ gives you some insights into the specifics of what I go through each day, how I handle the adversity and suffering, plus the ways in which I’ve changed my life in order to cope with the disability and the situations now. Disability’s offered a LOT of opportunities for me to try and make changes in my life, but only recently did I discover that to be a ‘silver lining’.
The Pain Chronicles, Vol.1 ... by Wylie Linquist
"Searching Within, and the Eye of the Storm:
Observing the effects of chronic pain and disability in my life."
A Storm Can CHANGE EVERYTHING Around You;
my injury in 2001 did the same.
Initially I didn’t deal well with the resulting disability. I didn’t know how. The doctors said it was a temporary disability and that with surgery to repair both of my knees, I get better and perhaps even be able to resume my jewelry career. Looking back nearly 17 years later, it’s easy to see their forecast wasn’t close to correct.
Back then, at 26, I thought I was a pretty good problem solver too, and thought I could handle whatever situations were thrown to me. By way of example: I had after all, graduated from the University of Wisconsin at Madison with a degree in Geography (the mother of all sciences), and during school had worked part-time in the Water Resources department of the Wisconsin Geological and Natural History Survey. My biggest project was quite a challenge of detective work and problem solving, including checking the location of every water well ever drilled in Dane County Wisconsin (including Madison, the Capital of Wisconsin).
Records of ever single well are kept at the Wis. Geological Survey, available to the public by request. Double checking the location of each report, though considerable in number, turned out to be VERY important, given well-drillers frequently entered an incorrect location on the report. Pre-GPS (Global Positioning Satellite) and before the age of computers and Google telling us within a foot of, sometimes I had reports with well locations miles off or even townships. And in 1995 and 1996, when I was doing this huge project, I wasn’t using a computer either!! Tasked with problem solving locations, I used street addresses, township maps, plat-books, and maps showing the history of who owned each parcel or acreage of land!
With a minor/emphasis at UW of People and Environment Interaction, this was fascinating to see, how mapping and scientific studies could show our interaction, and how WE ARE Changing the face of the Earth. With water wells, I realized the importance of getting a correct location for the report. This ACCURACY is crucial, given ALL the Geologic information (like a history of the Earth at that spot!) drillers include within the report. For the purposes of geologic studies, especially for ground-water studies, the well reports were used to create maps showing local impact of land use. With these maps we can see how human interaction impacts our groundwater! In this case, taken ALL together, mapping helps scientists show for example, how pesticide contamination moves in our groundwater. It's a little like weather forecasting, now Hydro-Geologists can forecast what areas, and water wells may be affected by pesticide-contaminated water.
In 1996, my final project at the Geological Survey was the measurement (with time) of the actual flow of the groundwater in Door County Wisconsin. I won’t go into the measurement techniques, but it’s interesting to see how science continues to improve its measure of man’s interactions and impact on the Earth. What’s really cool these days, is the discovery that scientists can use satellites (especially looking in infrared) to look and take pictures of the Earth (check out the Science Channel TV show ‘What on Earth?’). It’s critically important to continue learning how we interact, plus what the consequences are, of our Choices, upon other people, and upon ourselves too!
With those ideas of interaction and problem solving as a background, let me begin my ‘search within’: observing and learning the effects of disability and chronic pain, on myself and in my life. Indeed, my quality of life changed with the injury in 2001, but I didn’t really understand HOW Dramatic a change it was, until I began to examine the change I measured in my Activities of Daily Living (known as ADL). One measure of your ADL that you may immediately take note of, is the measurement of your steps per day, if you have an iPhone.
Initially however, when I look back, I remember the difficulty of looking within; it started with trying to be honest with myself. That was difficult to say the least, because I felt embarrassed about my situation. Here I am, a young guy, ready to make a difference. Now the rug's been sweep from beneath me. I suppose no one likes to look at the bad things about themselves, but what's far worse than a zit on your forehead (that’s on the outside), is what's within: whatever that bad thing is, usually houses emotional baggage.
For me, it was in the Grieving were I faced some of the BIGGEST emotional challenges. Yet I didn’t start to face anything for several years. ‘Denial’ had me on lock-down for at least five or six years, partly because I thought I’d be getting better sooner rather than … 15+ years later?? But it was also difficult to grieve because I wasn’t sure WHAT to grieve about. Do I grieve about how much pain I’m in? Do I grieve about losing my job and not being able to work everyday? Do I grieve because I can’t make any money, and I live in poverty, and can’t go buy things I’d like to have, or just go to a ballgame or cool concert each month? Do I grieve because I can’t go out, and hang out like I used to … go to parties, meet and have fun with women, and go on normal dates? Do I grieve because no one seems to care about how bad life feels right now??
I’ve lost my MOBILITY!!
I can’t run, or bike, or play baseball or basketball or GOLF!!! I can’t go skiing or go sailing, I can’t even walk around Lake Merritt like a normal person. Is that what I need to grieve about??? Maybe I need to grieve about all of it, and remember I wasn’t prepared for what had happened to me. That it wasn’t my fault. That I’d find a way to get through it, by the Grace of God. But for those first handful of years, I Was Lost! and I Was Broken (I’m still broken, but I’m much more spiritually and mentally whole than I was at the start of the disability — if that makes any sense) … that’s what I kept thinking anyway … and it really wasn’t helpful. With that ever-present/persistent Lost-ness, Broken-ness feeling, sort of following me from dawn to dust, from wake up to sleep, I began to experience the worst Depression I’d ever experienced.
During the first few years of disability, looking back, I see that I didn’t care. I didn’t really know ‘How to Care’ either. I also didn’t know how to ‘Love’, myself, my knees, my body, mind and spirit. I had no real self-respect. I was angry, and I was so mad at being hurt. Day after day, it never got better and often the pain would just gnaw at me till I took another pill. That was the ‘messy’ part of what I was experiencing: I didn’t know how to understand the pain. Sometimes there were pain-spasms, sometimes gnawing-pain, other times locking-pain, stabbing-pain, serrated-pain and sometimes the knee would ‘give-way’.
Oddly, each knee was different too, in the quality, frequency and duration of the pain. Everyone, doctors included, called them ‘knees’, but they’re not ‘knees’; they’re the ‘left knee’ and the ‘right knee’. It didn’t dawn on me till years later, that I needed to do a better job of identifying each knee and the pain that each was going through. Thankfully, with the help of a psychologist and the pain management doctor, I began to ask better questions, and start getting involved in the learning process, and the healing process, instead of covering my eyes and hiding my head in the sand, and not caring.
17 years of pain, suffering and taking pain medication, have taught me, that the #crisis #America faces isn’t an #Opioid crisis, it’s a Communication Crisis, this one is between doctor and patient. #Patients and #Doctors don’t know how to communicate with each other about the Pain! nor the singular/individual situations the patient finds themselves in. Truth is, there isn’t a ‘One size fits all’ prescription that the Doctor can use. And believe me, MANY Have Tried!
However, what has WORKED FOR ME, is to include the additional treatment of a #Psychologist, along with the #PainManagement Doctor. In fact, if every patient currently being seen by a Doctor prescribing opioids, also had to be seen each week or every other week, by a Licensed Psychologist, I think patients would see dramatic benefits.
When I first was seen by a Pain Management Doctor, I didn’t know HOW to take care of my HURT SELF!! I didn’t know that part of the Healing I needed was to start going through grieving. The Pain Doctor instead gave me pain medications, then anti-depressants. Only after I started making BIG mistakes in life, tangible evidence I was acting irresponsibly: not as an addict, but the side effects of the pain meds and anti-depressants, were changing my ability to make reasonable decisions, did the Pain Management Doctor prescribe treatment with a Psychologist.
What a difference this made to me!!! It’s EASY to See WHY: simply the fact that I spent 30 to 45 minutes with the Psychologist, whereas I’d only spend 5 to 10 minutes with the Pain Management Doctor, drives home the importance of spending time with a Doctor who can ask appropriate questions and make sure I receive appropriate help. In the care of the Psychologist, I started to get involved with my healing process, precisely because I HAD SOMEONE TO SPEAK WITH REGULARLY!!! With PAIN, Ignorance is NOT BLISS!!!
I began to learn more about why the pain was happening, and with both doctors help, the three of us put together a ‘COPING’ plan. I hadn’t a clue how to cope with pain after the injury happened in 2001. In fact it literally took years to learn what coping meant, plus what I could try that might help in coping … and that was at the direction of the Psychologist, not the Pain Management Doctor.
Sadly, that’s been part of the legacy of my disability: it’s been an experiment, not just an experience. The Pain Doctor wasn’t concerned about managing my pain, they seemed more interested in getting me in and out, giving me my medications refill, and my next appointment. I probably averaged 5minutes a visit. Where as, visiting a Psychologist always is a 30min to 45min session, and we can cover a lot in that time!
It’s my time with the Psychologist that helped me begin the “Search Within — trying to Find and Understand Self Healing”. I’ve had to experiment and try a lot of different things, from multiple kinds of pain medications, to mindfulness ‘meditation’, to medical marijuana and CBD, to many different types of exercises and trying to eat more healthy. But I reached a new plateau when I finally acknowledged that My Body Is HURT. (In fact, that makes me emotional just typing that right now!) In PAIN, my mind is caught, trapped between feeling pain, and wanting to escape the pain. Thankfully, the gift of Faith has kept me going, staying positive, and not giving up.
It’s been a combination of my Attitude, and my problem solving skills (like those I’ve mentioned above) that have helped too, as I recently came up with, and am trying to implement a ‘coping plan’ of consecutive days of Rest, including USING Ice EVERY DAY to help lessen inflammation, using my wheelchair and scooter more often, continue to see the Psychologist, Pain Management Doctors, PLUS continue to Exercise, go to Church each week and Pray regularly. But it was the Exercise, and going to Church, which rescued me from Depression.
Because I have to leave the apartment to go, and while I’m not interested in talking with other people, it’s helpful just being around others, especially feeling the energy they have, PLUS getting outside to feel the sun too!! This really helped me to draw in new breath. Worshiping and praying at Church inspired me, and the energy of exercise reinvigorated me physically.
BUT ... Depression
would smother me against the ropes, and it’d make me consider the ease
of wanting to throw it all away. It’d force me to drink from the well
of despair, and then add insults to my injury.
The depression
and despair was tough to swallow because there was no caring, no love,
no future, no light, rather, anything positive would be driven from my
sight, as depression would leave me feeling lost after demeaning my
entire life experience.
Hope had no power. Faith, my only lifeline to Love. In a world of Billions, I felt alone, Suffocating in the knowledge I Wasn’t Worth Anyone’s Time or Care. Only THAT Pain Cared about me. Only THAT Pain was There FOR Me.
There was no other presence I could see — all I could feel was the judgment of the Pain; the daily torture of Pain that I didn’t know how to overcome. The storm happened everyday, but couldn’t I escape? NO, that was a struggle, a battle I didn’t even know how to fight.
I Held on to the Lifeline of Faith Through it All!
The DARK-NIGHT of the Soul . . .
THAT GREATEST of STORMS, NEVER seeming to CEASE,
HAD, somehow Passed . . .
And then, with each passing day I’ve claimed a little more of the lifeline. Prayer, and going to Church, would renew my strength, and THEN, I began to marvel, because I could see the Goodness I discovered within others, especially once I realized it was ok, and good to ask them for help. It was in the midst of Depression when I recognized I was holding on, with all my heart, to Faith’s lifeline, that I discovered my self-worth:
(a small epiphany) … God gave me Faith, I must be Worth something !!!
Since then, I’ve held fast to that kernel of Self-Worth ...
Thanks for reading!
My name is Wylie, and I’m your PainPAL
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Monday, October 2, 2017
Thursday, August 31, 2017
What IS Chronic Pain ... Really???
Welcome Back!!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPal
Thanks for your continued support!!
THANKS for reading and sharing my #Blog entitled #PainPAL.
What IS Chronic Pain ... Really???
Blog 8
It's remarkable just how much our Health of body and mind, plays a critical roll daily in our Quality of Life, like prayer and faith play a roll in our spiritual life. Usually we take this for granted, but actually it goes far deeper ... truth is we can't experience the suffering, agony or simple unhappiness that others are going through, because we can only look on. I grew up with my Godfather having a disability, so I was somewhat trained to be thoughtful and on the look-out for things he might need. But it's way different now that it's MY Body that is disabled.
Sometimes, I can't quite believe I've had to go through this experience: more than 15 years of Chronic Pain, surgeries, pain medications, coping, depression, and trying to learn positive ways to keep going ... maintain, hang in there, and sometimes, do a bit more and TRY to achieve some of my dreams and goals with dedication, discipline, patience and perseverance ... and most of all, something inside, driving me forward, not giving up, and not stopping or giving into the sporadic raindrops of despair or the hail of anger, but rather finding a strength within, an internal DETERMINATION.
These days I try to keep up my PEP: Prayer, Exercise and Practice
Activities are a choice, but it's a choice I have to make, to overcome the Chronic Pain. Prayer, Exercise and Practice are the three activities I've learned that help to keep my head above water and keep me moving in the direction I'm trying to go, because it's the Chronic Pain that acts so much like an anchor around my neck/body when I'm treading water. Each day is an opportunity to do better, to get better, to try to get better, to produce or to heal, or not ... sometimes a NEW day is just an opportunity to rest and try smell the roses. The opposite of course, is that I could just give in to the pain and hopeless feelings and say F*** It, I don't care. But, that's just too easy :(
It's odd, but sometimes God gives us the opportunity to prove to ourselves who we are AND who we Need To Be for Ourselves, and in the process, we find out who we'd like to become. Perhaps that's part of what's SO difficult about enduring, and dealing with a disability: when I became disabled, no one gave me the heads-up, that I was in fact now DIFFERENT, a uniquely different person from who I once had been, with completely different needs than I once had.
That lack of physical ability became the biggest barrier and constraint, affecting not just my physical situation, but my emotional well-being too. During some of the early years I lost my desire to get out, because with time, Chronic Pain acts like torture, and the mind breaks and says: "Fine, I'm done. I'm not going to do something I know will bring me pain ... I'm finished overcoming and persevering. It's just too much. I can't take it, day after day after day and over and over and over again."
That was when I really had to come face to face with what I'd lost. And I had to grieve about this loss ... and that took WAY longer than I thought it would. Actually as I look back, I was in denial for many years. I didn't accept my changed situation well at all ... that I was a DIFFERENT Person, for several years. I just didn't want to. I didn't want to be disabled, plus there were surgeries on the horizon that could (were supposed to) make me better.
But also, while there was a loss of being able to do some things I'd like to do, I could still take medication, and I could still walk ... to the lake or ocean, a little, go to Church, and even do some gardening. But I just kept running into the same wall: AFTERWARD ... after any activity longer than say 10 to 15 minutes, the spasms and/or the pain would be double, triple, even worse than it was normally. That's the daily choice I faced then, and today: either restrict my movement and rest, or endure acute pain and then worse suffering i.e. chronic pain.
Sadly, this isn't a subject that medicine knows very well, and I have first hand experience going on 17 years. I've had (and continue) to learn a lot about Chronic Pain and disability, including, how to speak of it and characterize it, and find solutions for my particular situation. I'm a fairly good problem solver, but WOW, this health situation is a dozy!!
As this post is about Chronic Pain, here's some definitions:
1. Pain that is persistent, often lasting more than six months; clinical symptoms may be the same as for acute pain, or there may be no symptoms evident.
2. Pain that continues or recurs over a prolonged period, caused by various diseases or abnormal conditions. Chronic pain may be less intense than acute pain. The person with chronic pain does not usually display increased pulse and rapid respiration because these autonomic reactions to pain cannot be sustained for long periods. Some factors that can complicate the treatment of persons with chronic pain are scarring, continuing psychological stress, and medication.
3. Pain that lasts beyond the term of an injury or painful stimulus (from a chronic or degenerative disease, and pain from an unidentified cause).
4. Pain that is long-lasting discomfort, with episodic exacerbation, that may be felt in the back, one or more joints, the pelvis, or other parts of the body.
5. Pain that returns periodically every few weeks or months for many years. Chronic pain is often described by sufferers as being debilitating, intolerable, disabling, or alienating and may occur without an easily identifiable cause. Studies have shown a high correlation between chronic pain and depression or dysphoria, but it is unclear whether the psychological aspects of chronic pain precede or develop as a result of a person's subjective suffering. (In my case, it's after!)
Patient care
The management of chronic pain is often difficult and may be frustrating for both sufferer and caregivers. Best results are usually obtained through multimodal therapy combining sympathetic guidance, encouraging patients to recover functional abilities, by combinations of drugs (e.g., nonsteroidal anti-inflammatories, narcotic analgesics, and/or antidepressants), physical therapy and regular exercise, occupational therapy, physiatry, psychological or social counseling, and alternative medical therapies (e.g., acupuncture, massage, or relaxation techniques). Surgery and other invasive strategies are occasionally employed, with variable effectiveness. (In my case, several knee surgeries, with two more reconstructions likely.)
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It's tough to find a catch all definition of the kind and type of pain I have, the frequency, magnitude, etc... when I walk or stand, the acute pain goes way up, and when I'm sitting or have my legs up on the couch, the acute pain drops but the trauma's been done, and the chronic pain from inflammation and irritation continues. In fact just to get back to a baseline, I need about three full days of rest with my legs up on the couch, and minimal activities. It may seem obvious, but it took me a few years before I came to understand that everyone's situation is different. Perhaps that's why medicine has taken so long to advance, because what works for my body is NOT guaranteed to work for others.
On the other hand, thinking about my situation emotionally, helped me realize just how much Chronic Pain made me feel #vulnerable and #depressed. There's no medication or surgery for that! I felt guilty for not fulfilling my 'best' self, but there were also times when I'd just feel #sad. Maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was thinking about what I was missing out on, or those times when the questions would come cascading in mind: Have I failed in life? Why can't I be happy? Am I #happy with myself?? How can I be happy with myself?? What's wrong with me?
I used to be a regular guy, athletic, an outdoors-man, a sportsman. One day you'd catch me playing Frisbee golf, the next I'd be hitting in a batting cage or playing putt putt golf, or actually playing 9 to 18 holes of golf, or in the winter playing hockey or going downhill skiing on the weekend. I was a mover and a shaker, a social butterfly, kickin' a** and taking names. Now however, since the disability, would you believe I barely walk 1000 steps a day? That's a measurement according to my iPhone (actually I average about 850 steps). If you look up what a normal, average amount of steps an adult walks a day, you'll see that 1000 steps is seriously, SERIOUSLY Low (I guess given the disability, it ought to be that LOW ... but it's still depressing to me to see the actual numbers confirm my situation ... there's just no wishing it away, or hoping I wake up ... THIS is MY REALITY).
For years, I didn't understand what I was REALLY going through; WHY my body was making me go through hoops, physically and mentally, just to stand and make something to eat, brush my teeth, or do household chores, much less go to the grocery store, etc... Going to an Art Museum, or on a hike, those activities are out! I haven't played golf or thought of skiing either. All physical activity gets a sort of mental sensor, or has to be mentally filtered.
For example, when I'm asked to go, or think about going to hang out and listen to live music, my thought isn't about who I'm going to see or who I might meet, like it used to be. No, I'm thinking, can I park close to the front door, will they have stairs, should I bring my wheelchair or the scooter? I can't even dance one dance, or walk a block, much less a few, without real pain consequences. If I did, the ramifications include (you guessed it) lots more pain & poss spasms, than if I had stayed home to rest with my legs up on the couch.
Why? The chronic pain I have revolves around weight bearing pain: when I put weight on my knee joints, the acute pain gets worse, and the inflammation in the joint and irritation gets much worse too (chronic pain). I use ice packs each day to try to lessen the inflammation that's going on. But the important thing I had to learn, was that the Chronic Pain doesn't go away when I wake up the next day ... it's actually like some of the torture I've seen on TV: a recurrence of the trauma, over and over and over and over and over and over and Over and Over and OVER and OVER AND OVER again, day after day after day after Day after Day after DAY after DAY, and there really are times I've felt like I was going to go crazy.
Thankfully, I have help and I no longer try to take this all on by myself.
Yet that's how I started ... in denial and trying to handle disability by myself. (Wow! The ego on this guy! Smh!) Sure it's likely I was simply naive and ignorant, but I was even in denial about how much I was hurting. But after awhile, I finally came to some grip of the totality of my loss of mobility and the loss of my quality of life. The truth: I couldn't work and I was just surviving each day.
Thankfully, with professional guidance, the help of friends, and the concern and love of family, I got through the grief of the loss of my mobility, and I got past the denial ... with honesty. By being honest with myself, I started to learn how to cope and put those coping methods into practice. In particular, I think the best thing I did was that I learned to stop being so self-judgmental. Plus I look for and found friends who cared about my well-being and helped me to do so too.
Looking back, I notice Two turning points:
The first, when I realized and began to recognize my own self-worth, even WITH the disability. This was completely due to my faith and the realization that if God thought I was worth knowing and having a relationship with, and if God chose me to have faith, that meant something, that in fact, I must really have some worth. And ever since, I've been trying to grow and learn what it means to 'Love others as you Love yourself' (the second of Christ's Great Commandments).
The second turning point was after I'd recognized and started practicing and living with more self-esteem, I decided to start to Face My Fears. I can't imagine what that's like for others, but for me, it wasn't as easy as I hoped. I think the first practical example was that I found and started going to the dentist (yep, I was scared of needles in my mouth), but thankfully, I found a compassionate dentist who helped me through it, and towards that end, I also found a class teaching "Mindfulness Meditation". In taking that class, I learned about breathing techniques for when you notice that you're feeling anxious.
I also began to face my fear of asking others for help (perhaps that's a THIRD turning point!!). This was and still is a Big one for me. It's neither easy for me to ask for help or for things ... but I started recognizing that when I was asking for help, I was also giving others the opportunity to give and serve --- things I do pretty well, because I like to help others and see others happy! My family taught me how to be generous! Yet, being generous was something you did for others, not do for yourself.
Only recently did I recognize the fallacy of that idea. It's rather important that we all take good care of ourselves, in fact love ourselves, so that then we may do so for others. Just like a mother must take care of herself before she takes care of her child, there's an importance to self that I'd never understood. Remember the idea of: 'Know-Thyself'? I wonder how many of us really care to know ourselves? Why is it important? What good can come from it?
For me, to know and understand myself really has helped to guide me to learn How to Keep Going through the Chronic Pain. It's easy to give up --- take extra pain meds, drink, get high ... but to keep going ... to be productive, even if it's just a little each day ... to continue to go out, go to church, go to the Gym, go for groceries, even get to a park or just enjoy a car ride --- no matter how small or insignificant the activity (even typing on the keyboard) seems, it's the opposite of giving up.
That's another important lesson I've learned about Chronic Pain: Not to let it stop me, because the idea of conservation of momentum holds true --- it's easier to keep going than to stop and start again. I'm grateful I was forced to learn Time management early in college, because that's what I use to keep myself moving: I use the calendar to schedule appointments, events, visits, errands, Church service, whatever the activity (even phone calls or getting online) because it reminds me to Keep Going.
Exercise too, helps shield me from the Chronic Pain caused ink-black #depression; surging blood-flow and muscle charging seem to be opposite of the stale, #isolated, #uneasy, nothing and #malaise of #hopelessness brought up by depression's whispers:
you're worthless! you can't make it! you don't belong! you're alone! no one cares! why do you keep going! why don't you just stop?! Like the ever-flowing waters of Earth: emotions constantly surge (the good and the negative) and like gravity itself, #pain awakens and causes certain negative and hopeless #emotions and #feelings to arise frequently.
Yet, like every relationship (in this case, my relationship with Chronic Pain), it's important to be honest, #communicate and learn, and not let little things build up like steam until the whistle sounds to expel the pent up emotional angst. Expressing emotions is pivotal, in my case, to letting go the grief, the sadness, the uneasiness and anxiety arising so regularly due to Chronic Pain. Self expression through writing poetry, songwriting, singing, designing, exercise too, all help, but #Prayer (and going to Church) is by far the best way to let go and get through the hurts I feel so deep.
Without regularly notice, plus activity and #self-expression, those negative emotions from Chronic Pain would overwhelm me and get out of hand, building up to the point where they'd weigh so much more than my light-hearted, loving self. I have learned that there are some red flags forewarning me of this, which present themselves for me to heed and do something like take time to pray. But if I let them pass, soon I feel this crash-diving down into the mire and muck of gloom and #despair, and this scent of decayed life catching up in my nostrils and throat. I reach a fog-thick state of loneliness, where my #anxiety goes off the chart, as I notice this cutting off of breath feeling ... of hopelessness.
Yet, I fear God precisely because I've felt this everlasting-eternity-all-alone feeling. And even thought I trust God with all my Heart, depression can swamp my love with emotions of pain, hurt, and voices of despair. #Sadness makes me slip when I try to stand up with confidence, and then the Pain shatters that #confidence altogether. How can I keep going? How will I get through this feeling again? Will anyone help me? Who can I call? Isn't there someone who can help me? What do I do now? Where do I turn now?
The answer is always the same: seek & find.... FAITH. LOVE. HOPE.
Chronic Pain can sometimes twist my mind like a pretzel, tear it to shreds and eat it in front of me --- so to speak. Yet self-compassion and love are like the water that nourishes the seed of faith. Amazingly, Love is available to each of us. And isn't that a blessing too, that we can share LOVE with each other?!
Yes, at times, God's grace can feel like a mystery, but I continue to try to seek and find and search with all my heart, no matter the trials I'm asked to face ... even this Super Tough one called 'Chronic Pain'.
Thanks again for taking some of your time to read my Blog. I appreciate you. #PrayersUp
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPal
Thanks for your continued support!!
THANKS for reading and sharing my #Blog entitled #PainPAL.
What IS Chronic Pain ... Really???
Blog 8
It's remarkable just how much our Health of body and mind, plays a critical roll daily in our Quality of Life, like prayer and faith play a roll in our spiritual life. Usually we take this for granted, but actually it goes far deeper ... truth is we can't experience the suffering, agony or simple unhappiness that others are going through, because we can only look on. I grew up with my Godfather having a disability, so I was somewhat trained to be thoughtful and on the look-out for things he might need. But it's way different now that it's MY Body that is disabled.
Sometimes, I can't quite believe I've had to go through this experience: more than 15 years of Chronic Pain, surgeries, pain medications, coping, depression, and trying to learn positive ways to keep going ... maintain, hang in there, and sometimes, do a bit more and TRY to achieve some of my dreams and goals with dedication, discipline, patience and perseverance ... and most of all, something inside, driving me forward, not giving up, and not stopping or giving into the sporadic raindrops of despair or the hail of anger, but rather finding a strength within, an internal DETERMINATION.
These days I try to keep up my PEP: Prayer, Exercise and Practice
Activities are a choice, but it's a choice I have to make, to overcome the Chronic Pain. Prayer, Exercise and Practice are the three activities I've learned that help to keep my head above water and keep me moving in the direction I'm trying to go, because it's the Chronic Pain that acts so much like an anchor around my neck/body when I'm treading water. Each day is an opportunity to do better, to get better, to try to get better, to produce or to heal, or not ... sometimes a NEW day is just an opportunity to rest and try smell the roses. The opposite of course, is that I could just give in to the pain and hopeless feelings and say F*** It, I don't care. But, that's just too easy :(
It's odd, but sometimes God gives us the opportunity to prove to ourselves who we are AND who we Need To Be for Ourselves, and in the process, we find out who we'd like to become. Perhaps that's part of what's SO difficult about enduring, and dealing with a disability: when I became disabled, no one gave me the heads-up, that I was in fact now DIFFERENT, a uniquely different person from who I once had been, with completely different needs than I once had.
That lack of physical ability became the biggest barrier and constraint, affecting not just my physical situation, but my emotional well-being too. During some of the early years I lost my desire to get out, because with time, Chronic Pain acts like torture, and the mind breaks and says: "Fine, I'm done. I'm not going to do something I know will bring me pain ... I'm finished overcoming and persevering. It's just too much. I can't take it, day after day after day and over and over and over again."
That was when I really had to come face to face with what I'd lost. And I had to grieve about this loss ... and that took WAY longer than I thought it would. Actually as I look back, I was in denial for many years. I didn't accept my changed situation well at all ... that I was a DIFFERENT Person, for several years. I just didn't want to. I didn't want to be disabled, plus there were surgeries on the horizon that could (were supposed to) make me better.
But also, while there was a loss of being able to do some things I'd like to do, I could still take medication, and I could still walk ... to the lake or ocean, a little, go to Church, and even do some gardening. But I just kept running into the same wall: AFTERWARD ... after any activity longer than say 10 to 15 minutes, the spasms and/or the pain would be double, triple, even worse than it was normally. That's the daily choice I faced then, and today: either restrict my movement and rest, or endure acute pain and then worse suffering i.e. chronic pain.
Sadly, this isn't a subject that medicine knows very well, and I have first hand experience going on 17 years. I've had (and continue) to learn a lot about Chronic Pain and disability, including, how to speak of it and characterize it, and find solutions for my particular situation. I'm a fairly good problem solver, but WOW, this health situation is a dozy!!
As this post is about Chronic Pain, here's some definitions:
1. Pain that is persistent, often lasting more than six months; clinical symptoms may be the same as for acute pain, or there may be no symptoms evident.
2. Pain that continues or recurs over a prolonged period, caused by various diseases or abnormal conditions. Chronic pain may be less intense than acute pain. The person with chronic pain does not usually display increased pulse and rapid respiration because these autonomic reactions to pain cannot be sustained for long periods. Some factors that can complicate the treatment of persons with chronic pain are scarring, continuing psychological stress, and medication.
3. Pain that lasts beyond the term of an injury or painful stimulus (from a chronic or degenerative disease, and pain from an unidentified cause).
4. Pain that is long-lasting discomfort, with episodic exacerbation, that may be felt in the back, one or more joints, the pelvis, or other parts of the body.
5. Pain that returns periodically every few weeks or months for many years. Chronic pain is often described by sufferers as being debilitating, intolerable, disabling, or alienating and may occur without an easily identifiable cause. Studies have shown a high correlation between chronic pain and depression or dysphoria, but it is unclear whether the psychological aspects of chronic pain precede or develop as a result of a person's subjective suffering. (In my case, it's after!)
Patient care
The management of chronic pain is often difficult and may be frustrating for both sufferer and caregivers. Best results are usually obtained through multimodal therapy combining sympathetic guidance, encouraging patients to recover functional abilities, by combinations of drugs (e.g., nonsteroidal anti-inflammatories, narcotic analgesics, and/or antidepressants), physical therapy and regular exercise, occupational therapy, physiatry, psychological or social counseling, and alternative medical therapies (e.g., acupuncture, massage, or relaxation techniques). Surgery and other invasive strategies are occasionally employed, with variable effectiveness. (In my case, several knee surgeries, with two more reconstructions likely.)
____________________________________________________
It's tough to find a catch all definition of the kind and type of pain I have, the frequency, magnitude, etc... when I walk or stand, the acute pain goes way up, and when I'm sitting or have my legs up on the couch, the acute pain drops but the trauma's been done, and the chronic pain from inflammation and irritation continues. In fact just to get back to a baseline, I need about three full days of rest with my legs up on the couch, and minimal activities. It may seem obvious, but it took me a few years before I came to understand that everyone's situation is different. Perhaps that's why medicine has taken so long to advance, because what works for my body is NOT guaranteed to work for others.
On the other hand, thinking about my situation emotionally, helped me realize just how much Chronic Pain made me feel #vulnerable and #depressed. There's no medication or surgery for that! I felt guilty for not fulfilling my 'best' self, but there were also times when I'd just feel #sad. Maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was thinking about what I was missing out on, or those times when the questions would come cascading in mind: Have I failed in life? Why can't I be happy? Am I #happy with myself?? How can I be happy with myself?? What's wrong with me?
I used to be a regular guy, athletic, an outdoors-man, a sportsman. One day you'd catch me playing Frisbee golf, the next I'd be hitting in a batting cage or playing putt putt golf, or actually playing 9 to 18 holes of golf, or in the winter playing hockey or going downhill skiing on the weekend. I was a mover and a shaker, a social butterfly, kickin' a** and taking names. Now however, since the disability, would you believe I barely walk 1000 steps a day? That's a measurement according to my iPhone (actually I average about 850 steps). If you look up what a normal, average amount of steps an adult walks a day, you'll see that 1000 steps is seriously, SERIOUSLY Low (I guess given the disability, it ought to be that LOW ... but it's still depressing to me to see the actual numbers confirm my situation ... there's just no wishing it away, or hoping I wake up ... THIS is MY REALITY).
For years, I didn't understand what I was REALLY going through; WHY my body was making me go through hoops, physically and mentally, just to stand and make something to eat, brush my teeth, or do household chores, much less go to the grocery store, etc... Going to an Art Museum, or on a hike, those activities are out! I haven't played golf or thought of skiing either. All physical activity gets a sort of mental sensor, or has to be mentally filtered.
For example, when I'm asked to go, or think about going to hang out and listen to live music, my thought isn't about who I'm going to see or who I might meet, like it used to be. No, I'm thinking, can I park close to the front door, will they have stairs, should I bring my wheelchair or the scooter? I can't even dance one dance, or walk a block, much less a few, without real pain consequences. If I did, the ramifications include (you guessed it) lots more pain & poss spasms, than if I had stayed home to rest with my legs up on the couch.
Why? The chronic pain I have revolves around weight bearing pain: when I put weight on my knee joints, the acute pain gets worse, and the inflammation in the joint and irritation gets much worse too (chronic pain). I use ice packs each day to try to lessen the inflammation that's going on. But the important thing I had to learn, was that the Chronic Pain doesn't go away when I wake up the next day ... it's actually like some of the torture I've seen on TV: a recurrence of the trauma, over and over and over and over and over and over and Over and Over and OVER and OVER AND OVER again, day after day after day after Day after Day after DAY after DAY, and there really are times I've felt like I was going to go crazy.
Thankfully, I have help and I no longer try to take this all on by myself.
Yet that's how I started ... in denial and trying to handle disability by myself. (Wow! The ego on this guy! Smh!) Sure it's likely I was simply naive and ignorant, but I was even in denial about how much I was hurting. But after awhile, I finally came to some grip of the totality of my loss of mobility and the loss of my quality of life. The truth: I couldn't work and I was just surviving each day.
Thankfully, with professional guidance, the help of friends, and the concern and love of family, I got through the grief of the loss of my mobility, and I got past the denial ... with honesty. By being honest with myself, I started to learn how to cope and put those coping methods into practice. In particular, I think the best thing I did was that I learned to stop being so self-judgmental. Plus I look for and found friends who cared about my well-being and helped me to do so too.
Looking back, I notice Two turning points:
The first, when I realized and began to recognize my own self-worth, even WITH the disability. This was completely due to my faith and the realization that if God thought I was worth knowing and having a relationship with, and if God chose me to have faith, that meant something, that in fact, I must really have some worth. And ever since, I've been trying to grow and learn what it means to 'Love others as you Love yourself' (the second of Christ's Great Commandments).
The second turning point was after I'd recognized and started practicing and living with more self-esteem, I decided to start to Face My Fears. I can't imagine what that's like for others, but for me, it wasn't as easy as I hoped. I think the first practical example was that I found and started going to the dentist (yep, I was scared of needles in my mouth), but thankfully, I found a compassionate dentist who helped me through it, and towards that end, I also found a class teaching "Mindfulness Meditation". In taking that class, I learned about breathing techniques for when you notice that you're feeling anxious.
I also began to face my fear of asking others for help (perhaps that's a THIRD turning point!!). This was and still is a Big one for me. It's neither easy for me to ask for help or for things ... but I started recognizing that when I was asking for help, I was also giving others the opportunity to give and serve --- things I do pretty well, because I like to help others and see others happy! My family taught me how to be generous! Yet, being generous was something you did for others, not do for yourself.
Only recently did I recognize the fallacy of that idea. It's rather important that we all take good care of ourselves, in fact love ourselves, so that then we may do so for others. Just like a mother must take care of herself before she takes care of her child, there's an importance to self that I'd never understood. Remember the idea of: 'Know-Thyself'? I wonder how many of us really care to know ourselves? Why is it important? What good can come from it?
For me, to know and understand myself really has helped to guide me to learn How to Keep Going through the Chronic Pain. It's easy to give up --- take extra pain meds, drink, get high ... but to keep going ... to be productive, even if it's just a little each day ... to continue to go out, go to church, go to the Gym, go for groceries, even get to a park or just enjoy a car ride --- no matter how small or insignificant the activity (even typing on the keyboard) seems, it's the opposite of giving up.
That's another important lesson I've learned about Chronic Pain: Not to let it stop me, because the idea of conservation of momentum holds true --- it's easier to keep going than to stop and start again. I'm grateful I was forced to learn Time management early in college, because that's what I use to keep myself moving: I use the calendar to schedule appointments, events, visits, errands, Church service, whatever the activity (even phone calls or getting online) because it reminds me to Keep Going.
Exercise too, helps shield me from the Chronic Pain caused ink-black #depression; surging blood-flow and muscle charging seem to be opposite of the stale, #isolated, #uneasy, nothing and #malaise of #hopelessness brought up by depression's whispers:
you're worthless! you can't make it! you don't belong! you're alone! no one cares! why do you keep going! why don't you just stop?! Like the ever-flowing waters of Earth: emotions constantly surge (the good and the negative) and like gravity itself, #pain awakens and causes certain negative and hopeless #emotions and #feelings to arise frequently.
Yet, like every relationship (in this case, my relationship with Chronic Pain), it's important to be honest, #communicate and learn, and not let little things build up like steam until the whistle sounds to expel the pent up emotional angst. Expressing emotions is pivotal, in my case, to letting go the grief, the sadness, the uneasiness and anxiety arising so regularly due to Chronic Pain. Self expression through writing poetry, songwriting, singing, designing, exercise too, all help, but #Prayer (and going to Church) is by far the best way to let go and get through the hurts I feel so deep.
Without regularly notice, plus activity and #self-expression, those negative emotions from Chronic Pain would overwhelm me and get out of hand, building up to the point where they'd weigh so much more than my light-hearted, loving self. I have learned that there are some red flags forewarning me of this, which present themselves for me to heed and do something like take time to pray. But if I let them pass, soon I feel this crash-diving down into the mire and muck of gloom and #despair, and this scent of decayed life catching up in my nostrils and throat. I reach a fog-thick state of loneliness, where my #anxiety goes off the chart, as I notice this cutting off of breath feeling ... of hopelessness.
Yet, I fear God precisely because I've felt this everlasting-eternity-all-alone feeling. And even thought I trust God with all my Heart, depression can swamp my love with emotions of pain, hurt, and voices of despair. #Sadness makes me slip when I try to stand up with confidence, and then the Pain shatters that #confidence altogether. How can I keep going? How will I get through this feeling again? Will anyone help me? Who can I call? Isn't there someone who can help me? What do I do now? Where do I turn now?
The answer is always the same: seek & find.... FAITH. LOVE. HOPE.
Chronic Pain can sometimes twist my mind like a pretzel, tear it to shreds and eat it in front of me --- so to speak. Yet self-compassion and love are like the water that nourishes the seed of faith. Amazingly, Love is available to each of us. And isn't that a blessing too, that we can share LOVE with each other?!
Yes, at times, God's grace can feel like a mystery, but I continue to try to seek and find and search with all my heart, no matter the trials I'm asked to face ... even this Super Tough one called 'Chronic Pain'.
Thanks again for taking some of your time to read my Blog. I appreciate you. #PrayersUp
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Thursday, July 6, 2017
What You Gonna Do If You're Curious?
Hey HEY!
Welcome back!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL!
BLOG 7
July is upon us ... so too Summertime!!!
Let's just hope the temperatures stay lower than we know they're going to get in August and September!
So! What's news?
What's new with you?
How's life treating you?
Yeah, I never liked those questions either ... it's often difficult for me especially, to launch into how I'm doing when someone asks, partly because I'm immediately reminded of the emotional roller-coaster that I'm on ... NOT That you shouldn't ask! It's appropriate to do so. It shows you care. Just be aware, there's never an easy answer because I live on this Crazy Tide of #PAIN, up and down, every day.
Actually, sometimes during the day, I catch myself 'expecting' THE Pain, and then because I've been resting, I get a reprieve! Of course, in Life, there's always an opposite:
when I go and do something like go to the park with a friend, usually I can't help but want to get out of the vehicle and walk a while ... yep ... you're right: BAD IDEA.
But often my body doesn't say THAT in the moment (usu. I'm too excited being outside!), and last weekend my mind was ALL too EAGER to be out in the Sunshine at a Park on the water of San Francisco Bay! Wow! Beautiful!
Then, of course,
it's wham-o ... shock and awwwwwwww for a few days afterward. YUCK! That's really the up and down of #disability for me. And where I used to be a very spontaneous person, it seems now that spontaneity has an anchor attached to it called #ChronicPain ...
Anyway,
welcome back to #PainPAL!
THANKS AGAIN for YOUR #SUPPORT!
It really means a lot to me!!!
Hopefully that made you smile!!
SO ...
Hey, let's take an excursion into surreality, otherwise know as my poetry :)
A little background about this #poem I've added to the #Blog #post ...
This #Poem is one I wrote just last Friday, a couple days after finding the PARK that you see in the TOP picture, which shows a really great VIEW of the city of San Francisco!!
I hope you like the message of the poem ...
and do try to listen for the rhythm of the #poetry...
Can you hear and catch the tempo as you read ~~ 1 2 3 4 5 & 1 2 3 4 5 &
Of course, then if you feel like adding a comment, that's GREAT too. I really like to hear that first impression... the unfiltered version is fine. I can take it.
Tell me what you'd like to hear more of too.
This has been a long journey of pain and #suffering, and if this blog can help anyone with what you're going through, that's really my aim. Even if it's just a smile, or if, God willing, you receive the greatest #Insight ever, WOW, that would be awesome ...
One way or another, we're really all in this together. Obviously (though it took me a while to learn this one), no body's perfect, we just pretend ... some more than others too :) But that too speaks to the importance of Honesty and #SelfDignity, #SelfRespect, #SelfWorth, and all the other good 'Self'-related ideas like #SelfEsteem. That's part of the background theme of the poem: being honest with yourself.
Here's a great phrase I learned from a mentor:
You've got to be happy with yourself, 'cause you're the only person you'll ever have to live with!!
Just ponder that for a minute...
With that in mind ...
don't forget the cadence:
1 2 3 4 5 &
1 2 3 4 5 &
So here you go . . . .
What You Gonna Do If You're Curious?
By Wylie Linquist 2017 Of course, what did you expect... yes, All Rights Reserved :)
Dancing with the Devil, Demons everywhere
who gives a shit, who really cares...
When the lights go down, & you can NOT see
you looking at you, you looking at me...
What you gonna do, when your nerves begin to fray
what you gonna do, are you gonna pray...
What you gonna do, when forever seems near
the end's so close, all you feel is FEAR...
What you gonna do, when your nerves start to Tear
what you gonna do, when the Devil is There...
Are you gonna Pray, are you gonna Dance
are you gonna Care, will you be AWARE...
That the END is Clear, that the END is HERE
that the END is NEAR, that the END is Sheer...
Though it may not appear, if you face the Fear
if you taste the Fear, if you Trace YOUR Fear...
Comes at any moment like a flashlight, black & white, epiphany or insight
instantaneous, contemporaneous, to be ashamed of lust...
Cause Greed is NOT Good, it's not a matter of it should
but a matter Understood, if you care about your Soul...
it makes a Rock to Roll...
If you're curious, what you gonna do
if you're curious, is it Time you knew...
Open up your mind, for that you Seek to Find
look for any clue, inspect, observe, experimental learning curve...
What you gonna do, in a lifetime NOW
if you don't learn how, like the milking of a cow...
Ways & Whys demanding exercise, of the mind and its Focus
like an origin and its locus, everywhere right here, sitting near so clear...
What you Gonna do, if you're Curious
no time like the present, so don't get furious, learning is luxurious...
What you Gonna do, if you're Curious
opening your heart first, your mind & your soul,
til you see & reach YOUR GOAL...
Brainstorm, plan ahead, reaching for the stars
understand the Universe, but what about the Scars...
A cause & Effect, for every action a reaction
reach your destination, HOPE brings Satisfaction...
But some Don't care, some have Lost their way
blame others for the losing, not themselves for their Choosing...
But the mirror is Clear, if you Open your eyes
if NOT you'll disguise, the Devil's set of Lies...
The Sound of the details, the timing of a cough,
on the rails . . . . or OFF...
What you Gonna do, if you're CURIOUS
will you keep your mind's eye open, accept True Loves Devotion
the honor of obedience, OR giving INTO expedience...
The either OR, of course That's something We've ALL Explored
in Youth's Exploration, maturation of MIND, BODY, SPIRIT
listening to your senses tell it, or ear to chest to Heart it...
Heart Beats, Repeating Tenor, timing tells the travelers tale
like a grandfather clock tones the hour,
a countenance like the winding, seeking not to fail...
But if we forget, or when we become Aware
that DUTY had been forsaken, in the tones late Dare...
What do we do, apologize & then repair
less we lose our DIGNITY & no longer CARE...
Results from a Demon's lips & a Devil's Snare
like Toasted Chestnuts, & sipping Wine after the Affair...
Yes someday perhaps forgotten, only NEVER IS FOREVER
& Only FORGIVENESS, which happens after Repentance, may clear the air...
But then, would you open your EYES & STARE
back at the MIRROR seemingly solitary standing there...
If you're CURIOUS, isn't it Time to KNOW?
isn't it TIME to GROW . . . UP & DECLARE!!!
Time keeps Ticking, so if you're CURIOUS . . . it's TIME FOR PRAYER
-------------------------------------------------------
Thanks again to everyone for your support
during this time, as I await my next set of
#surgery on each knee.
I just saw the doctor last week or so, and the word is go on the
#KneeReconstruction Surgery. The scans/images show enough evidence
to do the surgery (of course my body/knees have been telling me
this for a few years now!), so I'll keep posting updates as progress
gets made towards surgery and hopefully, #recovery time too!!
Till next time, God Bless you and yours!!
As always, be true to yourself, and I'll do the same...
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Fyi, if you need a music break, or want to try to new tunes, check me out here:
WylieVibes
or
More WylieVibes :)
Welcome back!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL!
BLOG 7
July is upon us ... so too Summertime!!!
Let's just hope the temperatures stay lower than we know they're going to get in August and September!
So! What's news?
What's new with you?
How's life treating you?
Yeah, I never liked those questions either ... it's often difficult for me especially, to launch into how I'm doing when someone asks, partly because I'm immediately reminded of the emotional roller-coaster that I'm on ... NOT That you shouldn't ask! It's appropriate to do so. It shows you care. Just be aware, there's never an easy answer because I live on this Crazy Tide of #PAIN, up and down, every day.
Actually, sometimes during the day, I catch myself 'expecting' THE Pain, and then because I've been resting, I get a reprieve! Of course, in Life, there's always an opposite:
when I go and do something like go to the park with a friend, usually I can't help but want to get out of the vehicle and walk a while ... yep ... you're right: BAD IDEA.
But often my body doesn't say THAT in the moment (usu. I'm too excited being outside!), and last weekend my mind was ALL too EAGER to be out in the Sunshine at a Park on the water of San Francisco Bay! Wow! Beautiful!
it's wham-o ... shock and awwwwwwww for a few days afterward. YUCK! That's really the up and down of #disability for me. And where I used to be a very spontaneous person, it seems now that spontaneity has an anchor attached to it called #ChronicPain ...
Anyway,
welcome back to #PainPAL!
THANKS AGAIN for YOUR #SUPPORT!
It really means a lot to me!!!
SO ...
Hey, let's take an excursion into surreality, otherwise know as my poetry :)
A little background about this #poem I've added to the #Blog #post ...
This #Poem is one I wrote just last Friday, a couple days after finding the PARK that you see in the TOP picture, which shows a really great VIEW of the city of San Francisco!!
I hope you like the message of the poem ...
and do try to listen for the rhythm of the #poetry...
Can you hear and catch the tempo as you read ~~ 1 2 3 4 5 & 1 2 3 4 5 &
Of course, then if you feel like adding a comment, that's GREAT too. I really like to hear that first impression... the unfiltered version is fine. I can take it.
Tell me what you'd like to hear more of too.
This has been a long journey of pain and #suffering, and if this blog can help anyone with what you're going through, that's really my aim. Even if it's just a smile, or if, God willing, you receive the greatest #Insight ever, WOW, that would be awesome ...
Here's a great phrase I learned from a mentor:
You've got to be happy with yourself, 'cause you're the only person you'll ever have to live with!!
Just ponder that for a minute...
With that in mind ...
don't forget the cadence:
1 2 3 4 5 &
1 2 3 4 5 &
So here you go . . . .
What You Gonna Do If You're Curious?
By Wylie Linquist 2017 Of course, what did you expect... yes, All Rights Reserved :)
Dancing with the Devil, Demons everywhere
who gives a shit, who really cares...
When the lights go down, & you can NOT see
you looking at you, you looking at me...
what you gonna do, are you gonna pray...
What you gonna do, when forever seems near
the end's so close, all you feel is FEAR...
What you gonna do, when your nerves start to Tear
what you gonna do, when the Devil is There...
Are you gonna Pray, are you gonna Dance
are you gonna Care, will you be AWARE...
That the END is Clear, that the END is HERE
that the END is NEAR, that the END is Sheer...
if you taste the Fear, if you Trace YOUR Fear...
Comes at any moment like a flashlight, black & white, epiphany or insight
instantaneous, contemporaneous, to be ashamed of lust...
Cause Greed is NOT Good, it's not a matter of it should
but a matter Understood, if you care about your Soul...
it makes a Rock to Roll...
if you're curious, is it Time you knew...
Open up your mind, for that you Seek to Find
look for any clue, inspect, observe, experimental learning curve...
What you gonna do, in a lifetime NOW
if you don't learn how, like the milking of a cow...
like an origin and its locus, everywhere right here, sitting near so clear...
What you Gonna do, if you're Curious
no time like the present, so don't get furious, learning is luxurious...
What you Gonna do, if you're Curious
opening your heart first, your mind & your soul,
til you see & reach YOUR GOAL...
understand the Universe, but what about the Scars...
A cause & Effect, for every action a reaction
reach your destination, HOPE brings Satisfaction...
But some Don't care, some have Lost their way
blame others for the losing, not themselves for their Choosing...
But the mirror is Clear, if you Open your eyes
if NOT you'll disguise, the Devil's set of Lies...
The Sound of the details, the timing of a cough,
on the rails . . . . or OFF...
will you keep your mind's eye open, accept True Loves Devotion
the honor of obedience, OR giving INTO expedience...
The either OR, of course That's something We've ALL Explored
in Youth's Exploration, maturation of MIND, BODY, SPIRIT
listening to your senses tell it, or ear to chest to Heart it...
Heart Beats, Repeating Tenor, timing tells the travelers tale
like a grandfather clock tones the hour,
a countenance like the winding, seeking not to fail...
that DUTY had been forsaken, in the tones late Dare...
What do we do, apologize & then repair
less we lose our DIGNITY & no longer CARE...
Results from a Demon's lips & a Devil's Snare
like Toasted Chestnuts, & sipping Wine after the Affair...
Yes someday perhaps forgotten, only NEVER IS FOREVER
& Only FORGIVENESS, which happens after Repentance, may clear the air...
But then, would you open your EYES & STARE
back at the MIRROR seemingly solitary standing there...
isn't it TIME to GROW . . . UP & DECLARE!!!
Time keeps Ticking, so if you're CURIOUS . . . it's TIME FOR PRAYER
-------------------------------------------------------
Thanks again to everyone for your support
during this time, as I await my next set of
#surgery on each knee.
I just saw the doctor last week or so, and the word is go on the
#KneeReconstruction Surgery. The scans/images show enough evidence
to do the surgery (of course my body/knees have been telling me
this for a few years now!), so I'll keep posting updates as progress
gets made towards surgery and hopefully, #recovery time too!!
Till next time, God Bless you and yours!!
As always, be true to yourself, and I'll do the same...
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Fyi, if you need a music break, or want to try to new tunes, check me out here:
WylieVibes
or
More WylieVibes :)
Thursday, May 4, 2017
Living in a Quantum-like Reality
Hi! and Welcome Back!
My name is Wylie ... and I'm your PainPAL.
Apologies for the delay since my last post; I can't believe how quickly time flows under the bridge! And of course, Happy belated Easter! Actions certainly speak louder than words, but writing words about pain, especially the pain and disability I go through, definitely gives me pause ... and it's actually been much more difficult than I'd anticipated. So I appreciate your bearing with me, and continuing to join me on this journey of life.
Thank You!
Blog 6
Living in a Quantum-like Reality
I prefer evening prayer-time to morning prayer, not that one is more preferable to another I suppose, but of course that's a choice to be made everyday. In the case of my disability, not having to live every single day wondering how much pain I'll have to deal with, and how much or how little I'll get done, begins to describe this state of Living in a Quantum-like Reality (where all possibilities exist simultaneously) ... in my case, neither permanently disabled, nor whole, healed or normal.
I'm at once feeling like a failure and yet simultaneously doing ok. I rely on God mostly because my body certainly can't be trusted, and pain meds mess with my mental state! Ugh! Mentally I ache to do things and be out and active and more productive ... just be myself, trying to be successful ... but I'm always left with trying to humbly accept this uncertain reality, while trying to fend off and ignore the feelings simmering and smoldering, of pain, discomfort, and the stubborn anger born of pride; that pride that accepts feeling ashamed, saying I'm okay, without thinking and being honest with oneself.
Only when I turn to God (with humble acceptance in prayer), do I fully let myself acknowledge and express, the hurt, the pain, the suffering (and its' effect of the loss and real grief), thoughtfully giving it to Christ and to His Cross. That's when I begin to feel the scales of discouragement and frustration, transform into a winged embraced of calm and comforting love. Comfort to keep going despite living in this Quantum-like reality. (And note, as I await more reconstructive surgery, that the first two surgeries failed ... each within three months of the start of physical therapy.) I know first-hand that healing isn't assured; though it's easy to forget, due to doctor's confident attitudes and plans, that there's no certainty of success. But I'm always left to wonder, when will my future be revealed??
Trying to enjoy the journey, whatever the day brings, it's at once cruel and interesting for me to remember the optimism I had going into those previous surgeries, hopeful and eager to regain my former role of producer and normal member of society, because at times I genuinely feel like I've lost that opportunity as the days, weeks, months and years pass. Life is change! but I keep learning, if I'm not growing, I'm atrophying, and increasingly I've come to value the success of others more profoundly than I ever did. Perhaps it's a result from Hope, or an effect of Love, regardless, I know how easy it is to lose what once seemed to be right there, and ready to happen.
It seems odd to feel like I'm living in a Quantum-like reality, and increasingly, I find it necessity to turn to God and to continue to seek and learn and find out more deeply, the great value of LOVE. How REAL, how deep and pervasive, rich and meaningful LOVE really IS, especially in Loving God, and others, and myself too! LOVE really helps!! Who knew?!! :) LOVE has continually kept me going, when the days feel bleak, when my energy is so low because of the pain or meds, or when I feel that burden of my life, heavy as an ocean-liner bearing down on me at sea ... and who can save little me??? Am I really all alone, surviving, treading each day, hoping for help???
But I'm not lost. I'm not alone. Pain and meds, hurts and tiredness cause illusion (just like someone insisting on such a thing as an 'alternative fact'). Without structure and good habits, without self-dignity and self-love, it's easy to fall into drama and gossip and doing things I know aren't right. But LOVE really is the right way to contentment. LOVE is Vital! Alive! Refreshing to my soul, our soul, the Universal Being of Unity! Yes, everyday, my contentment gets chewed at, gnawed on, and Zapped, step by step, with nearly every step of the day. Certainly, this must be a trial. But that's something common to everyone: we all have Life to Live and Go Through!
But we also have LOVE! Love wipes away self-pity like a mommy wipes away a bit of dirt from her child's face! We ALL need Love! Self-Love stands in opposition self-hate. Love creates self-acceptance, from self-judgment. LOVE reveals and heals, like the hidden force when someone smiles at me, and I feel urged to smile too. Or when I give thanks to God in gratitude, even when I'm feeling down, which forces me to remember all that's good ... so GOOD, and what I'm so Grateful for! 'Cause LOVE is a greater Power and Passion and Energy -- it simply Overcomes! Of course isn't that the trick, to wind that Loving clock within everyday, and to be mindful when the negatives begin to whisper illusions or try to strike fear! or when the body begins its assault on my energy and center and contentment?!
Life's a tough, tough gig, and with everyday I learn more and more, just how much my life requires perseverance, faith, hope and love. Oddly, and thankfully, I've finally become aware of just how easy it's been for the pain and meds to trick and manipulate me into believing I'm unworthy, unloved and even alone. But that's not true. I only allow that lie to exist if I disrespect myself, or when I don't show myself the self-love I deserve, or when I allow Pride and my ego to feign a sense of shame, and hold on to it, instead of going to God, and with humility, asking for the help and Love I need.
Living in an Age of Quantum-like Reality, can make it seem like we're trapped between the world in which we find ourselves now, and the world of the future, full of every possibility including those we hope for, dream of, and hopefully, pray for too. Yes, I pray and hope for healing, for myself, and especially for our world and for you too! We're all in this together, and each person is important and deserves respect and love.
It feels like we're racing towards something together ... be it a changing climate or technology or a change in how we treat one another. What that change is, that we're racing toward, it's our choice ... individually and collectively. Living at the edge of time and connected throughout the civilized world (and let's face it ... including the uncivilized, ignorant and uneducated --or under-educated--), I hope and pray, that together, we choose LOVE, and Choose to LOVE. Loving God and one another, as we love ourselves, are the two great commands of Christ.
I Hope we can find it within ourselves to LOVE; it's Vital, Healthy and Essential to EVERY Life.
Till next time ... God bless you and yours!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL.
Ps. Here are two of my favorite quotations:
"A life is not important, except in the impact it has on other lives."
~Jackie Robinson
"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
My name is Wylie ... and I'm your PainPAL.
Apologies for the delay since my last post; I can't believe how quickly time flows under the bridge! And of course, Happy belated Easter! Actions certainly speak louder than words, but writing words about pain, especially the pain and disability I go through, definitely gives me pause ... and it's actually been much more difficult than I'd anticipated. So I appreciate your bearing with me, and continuing to join me on this journey of life.
Thank You!
Blog 6
Living in a Quantum-like Reality
I prefer evening prayer-time to morning prayer, not that one is more preferable to another I suppose, but of course that's a choice to be made everyday. In the case of my disability, not having to live every single day wondering how much pain I'll have to deal with, and how much or how little I'll get done, begins to describe this state of Living in a Quantum-like Reality (where all possibilities exist simultaneously) ... in my case, neither permanently disabled, nor whole, healed or normal.
I'm at once feeling like a failure and yet simultaneously doing ok. I rely on God mostly because my body certainly can't be trusted, and pain meds mess with my mental state! Ugh! Mentally I ache to do things and be out and active and more productive ... just be myself, trying to be successful ... but I'm always left with trying to humbly accept this uncertain reality, while trying to fend off and ignore the feelings simmering and smoldering, of pain, discomfort, and the stubborn anger born of pride; that pride that accepts feeling ashamed, saying I'm okay, without thinking and being honest with oneself.
Only when I turn to God (with humble acceptance in prayer), do I fully let myself acknowledge and express, the hurt, the pain, the suffering (and its' effect of the loss and real grief), thoughtfully giving it to Christ and to His Cross. That's when I begin to feel the scales of discouragement and frustration, transform into a winged embraced of calm and comforting love. Comfort to keep going despite living in this Quantum-like reality. (And note, as I await more reconstructive surgery, that the first two surgeries failed ... each within three months of the start of physical therapy.) I know first-hand that healing isn't assured; though it's easy to forget, due to doctor's confident attitudes and plans, that there's no certainty of success. But I'm always left to wonder, when will my future be revealed??
Trying to enjoy the journey, whatever the day brings, it's at once cruel and interesting for me to remember the optimism I had going into those previous surgeries, hopeful and eager to regain my former role of producer and normal member of society, because at times I genuinely feel like I've lost that opportunity as the days, weeks, months and years pass. Life is change! but I keep learning, if I'm not growing, I'm atrophying, and increasingly I've come to value the success of others more profoundly than I ever did. Perhaps it's a result from Hope, or an effect of Love, regardless, I know how easy it is to lose what once seemed to be right there, and ready to happen.
It seems odd to feel like I'm living in a Quantum-like reality, and increasingly, I find it necessity to turn to God and to continue to seek and learn and find out more deeply, the great value of LOVE. How REAL, how deep and pervasive, rich and meaningful LOVE really IS, especially in Loving God, and others, and myself too! LOVE really helps!! Who knew?!! :) LOVE has continually kept me going, when the days feel bleak, when my energy is so low because of the pain or meds, or when I feel that burden of my life, heavy as an ocean-liner bearing down on me at sea ... and who can save little me??? Am I really all alone, surviving, treading each day, hoping for help???
But I'm not lost. I'm not alone. Pain and meds, hurts and tiredness cause illusion (just like someone insisting on such a thing as an 'alternative fact'). Without structure and good habits, without self-dignity and self-love, it's easy to fall into drama and gossip and doing things I know aren't right. But LOVE really is the right way to contentment. LOVE is Vital! Alive! Refreshing to my soul, our soul, the Universal Being of Unity! Yes, everyday, my contentment gets chewed at, gnawed on, and Zapped, step by step, with nearly every step of the day. Certainly, this must be a trial. But that's something common to everyone: we all have Life to Live and Go Through!
But we also have LOVE! Love wipes away self-pity like a mommy wipes away a bit of dirt from her child's face! We ALL need Love! Self-Love stands in opposition self-hate. Love creates self-acceptance, from self-judgment. LOVE reveals and heals, like the hidden force when someone smiles at me, and I feel urged to smile too. Or when I give thanks to God in gratitude, even when I'm feeling down, which forces me to remember all that's good ... so GOOD, and what I'm so Grateful for! 'Cause LOVE is a greater Power and Passion and Energy -- it simply Overcomes! Of course isn't that the trick, to wind that Loving clock within everyday, and to be mindful when the negatives begin to whisper illusions or try to strike fear! or when the body begins its assault on my energy and center and contentment?!
Life's a tough, tough gig, and with everyday I learn more and more, just how much my life requires perseverance, faith, hope and love. Oddly, and thankfully, I've finally become aware of just how easy it's been for the pain and meds to trick and manipulate me into believing I'm unworthy, unloved and even alone. But that's not true. I only allow that lie to exist if I disrespect myself, or when I don't show myself the self-love I deserve, or when I allow Pride and my ego to feign a sense of shame, and hold on to it, instead of going to God, and with humility, asking for the help and Love I need.
Living in an Age of Quantum-like Reality, can make it seem like we're trapped between the world in which we find ourselves now, and the world of the future, full of every possibility including those we hope for, dream of, and hopefully, pray for too. Yes, I pray and hope for healing, for myself, and especially for our world and for you too! We're all in this together, and each person is important and deserves respect and love.
It feels like we're racing towards something together ... be it a changing climate or technology or a change in how we treat one another. What that change is, that we're racing toward, it's our choice ... individually and collectively. Living at the edge of time and connected throughout the civilized world (and let's face it ... including the uncivilized, ignorant and uneducated --or under-educated--), I hope and pray, that together, we choose LOVE, and Choose to LOVE. Loving God and one another, as we love ourselves, are the two great commands of Christ.
I Hope we can find it within ourselves to LOVE; it's Vital, Healthy and Essential to EVERY Life.
Till next time ... God bless you and yours!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL.
Ps. Here are two of my favorite quotations:
"A life is not important, except in the impact it has on other lives."
~Jackie Robinson
"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
INJURY
Welcome back!
My name is Wylie and I'm your PainPAL.
Blog 5
INJURY .... Think about the name and the sound of the word.
I've always enjoyed thinking more scientifically as my way of analyzing the world around me, testing theories, hypothesis and especially the occasion and awe-inspiring 'epiphany' (hopefully everyone has had that experience of an answer, an EPIPHANY, what I like to think of as a synthesis to what was seemingly too complex to understand, yet ... somehow, a thought, the conclusive, true inspiration came to mind during contemplation). Answers need Questions too you know!! And within that idea, let's delve into INJURY ...
When I look at the word Injury, and hear it literally, it makes me think of 'in - jury' ... now while I've never served in Jury duty as yet, I've seen my share of tv shows and films like '12 Angry Men' with Henry Fonda. So in consideration of the word 'Injury' literally like this (reminding myself that's it IS AN EXPERIENCE ... 'in - jury'), reminds me of an uncertainty of the outcome of my situation: what will the judgment be, will I ever be healed ... will my hurt and pain become a permanent life situation governing my actions, because let's be honest, some injuries change us physically (and mentally, even Spiritually) forever, while other injuries do not.
I've been facing injuries to both my knees for 16 years: a lot of pain and suffering, loneliness and despair under the bridge (as I'm reminded of the phrase from 'Sam' in the movie 'CASABLANCA'). But experiencing injury has helped me have to do a lot of LEARNING, and thankfully lean heavily upon FAITH and acts of kindness (random or intentional) and compassion on behalf of others, be they family or friends, sometimes mere acquaintances.
Sadly, society and culture have moved further away from this ETHIC of helping those in need, marginalizing us, threatening to take away what little safety nets have been put in place by previous thoughtful, considerate and just-minded individuals, who have WORKED on behalf of those of us in NEED.
I learned as a child to hold back what I was feeling. As an adult, it is apparent to me, that not only is honest expression of feelings important, but it's CRITICAL to the success of a TRULY 'CIVIL' Society. Without being able to talk openly with one another, especially one on one, but also in groups, honestly, and importantly, open-mindedly, without instant judgment, the world will continue on the downward path, the backward path, away from PEACE, PROSPERITY, HOPE and most importantly, LOVE and its' expression.
But WHY should anyone CARE about those who suffer?
Because, INJURY opens up the sadly 'cliched' Pandora's Box of Fear; truth is ... facing injury is beyond scary.
Still, with a humble heart, hopefully at times being courageous, I've learned that facing Fears is truly important to the growth of our Spirit, of WHO WE ARE, and Who We SEEK to BECOME ... THAT Identity. And SPIRITUAL GROWTH, while mysterious to many, is less a mystery to those who SEEK to learn, to know, to grow and, ultimately, receive TRUTH with a forgiving heart.
Perhaps, while we live at the edge of time, as History continues to be written, FORGIVENESS, (that openness to take WHATSOEVER that's happened in the past, and turn it UPSIDE-DOWN) will take it's rightful place among Faith, Hope and Love. To me, forgiveness is the lesson I learned as a child from my mother, that of the "GOLDEN RULE" taken to its Logical conclusion, in FULFILLMENT by an AUTHENTIC expression and giving of LOVE.
While perhaps our world has many an 'In-Jury' too. It is COLLECTIVELY, that we hold the KEYS that will someday usher in the Brightest of Prophecy, of Science Fiction, and OF OUR IMAGINATION. Because Infinity has no Bounds. And while sadly, Injury creates them, isn't it in our lexicon or jargon, or phraseology ... which says, "God doesn't close a door, without opening a window?"
And so ...
all my best to you on your travels and on your adventures, and as we journey ever ONWARD in life TOGETHER ... with Love!
Thank you for reading, commenting, and thank you for your consideration and compassion. It's more important than you know.
Till Next Time...
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Ps. It's been my experience that it IS IN THE SHARING and in the CARING, which reaffirms our True Identity in Faith, Hope and Love. Because, we actually SEE the opposite so often on the News and in society, of the Hoarding, the Taking, the Lying, the Stealing, the Killing and the being hyper-Rich without compassion, FUELS the fears of Loss, Greed, Jealousy, Self-Dishonesty, and the oft Closed-Minded thoughts of Conspiracy. Sadly, that TYPE of living and dwelling has a permanence all its own.
Facing Fear is not a path of least resistance, but it is a PATH. So Be not afraid to Know Thyself. Be Not Afraid to seek the truth, to know your identity and purpose. Be Not Afraid to seek after, and ask God if he's there, and to ask for help. (I know I couldn't live like this, without Spiritual help; Faith has been my one constant since I was injured, that's helped me through: guiding, protecting, strengthening ... without reservation I can say I wouldn't be with you now without it.)
Be Not Afraid. Choosing to look Within, to face the depth of whatever fears I may recognize within me, continues to impress upon me its IMPORTANCE.
But I'm curious what you think too!
Please, enjoy some of my music
HERE with a click at: ReverbNation WylieFUNK
and
HERE too at: SoundCloud WylieFUNK
My name is Wylie and I'm your PainPAL.
Blog 5
INJURY .... Think about the name and the sound of the word.
I've always enjoyed thinking more scientifically as my way of analyzing the world around me, testing theories, hypothesis and especially the occasion and awe-inspiring 'epiphany' (hopefully everyone has had that experience of an answer, an EPIPHANY, what I like to think of as a synthesis to what was seemingly too complex to understand, yet ... somehow, a thought, the conclusive, true inspiration came to mind during contemplation). Answers need Questions too you know!! And within that idea, let's delve into INJURY ...
When I look at the word Injury, and hear it literally, it makes me think of 'in - jury' ... now while I've never served in Jury duty as yet, I've seen my share of tv shows and films like '12 Angry Men' with Henry Fonda. So in consideration of the word 'Injury' literally like this (reminding myself that's it IS AN EXPERIENCE ... 'in - jury'), reminds me of an uncertainty of the outcome of my situation: what will the judgment be, will I ever be healed ... will my hurt and pain become a permanent life situation governing my actions, because let's be honest, some injuries change us physically (and mentally, even Spiritually) forever, while other injuries do not.
I've been facing injuries to both my knees for 16 years: a lot of pain and suffering, loneliness and despair under the bridge (as I'm reminded of the phrase from 'Sam' in the movie 'CASABLANCA'). But experiencing injury has helped me have to do a lot of LEARNING, and thankfully lean heavily upon FAITH and acts of kindness (random or intentional) and compassion on behalf of others, be they family or friends, sometimes mere acquaintances.
Sadly, society and culture have moved further away from this ETHIC of helping those in need, marginalizing us, threatening to take away what little safety nets have been put in place by previous thoughtful, considerate and just-minded individuals, who have WORKED on behalf of those of us in NEED.
I learned as a child to hold back what I was feeling. As an adult, it is apparent to me, that not only is honest expression of feelings important, but it's CRITICAL to the success of a TRULY 'CIVIL' Society. Without being able to talk openly with one another, especially one on one, but also in groups, honestly, and importantly, open-mindedly, without instant judgment, the world will continue on the downward path, the backward path, away from PEACE, PROSPERITY, HOPE and most importantly, LOVE and its' expression.
But WHY should anyone CARE about those who suffer?
Because, INJURY opens up the sadly 'cliched' Pandora's Box of Fear; truth is ... facing injury is beyond scary.
Still, with a humble heart, hopefully at times being courageous, I've learned that facing Fears is truly important to the growth of our Spirit, of WHO WE ARE, and Who We SEEK to BECOME ... THAT Identity. And SPIRITUAL GROWTH, while mysterious to many, is less a mystery to those who SEEK to learn, to know, to grow and, ultimately, receive TRUTH with a forgiving heart.
Perhaps, while we live at the edge of time, as History continues to be written, FORGIVENESS, (that openness to take WHATSOEVER that's happened in the past, and turn it UPSIDE-DOWN) will take it's rightful place among Faith, Hope and Love. To me, forgiveness is the lesson I learned as a child from my mother, that of the "GOLDEN RULE" taken to its Logical conclusion, in FULFILLMENT by an AUTHENTIC expression and giving of LOVE.
While perhaps our world has many an 'In-Jury' too. It is COLLECTIVELY, that we hold the KEYS that will someday usher in the Brightest of Prophecy, of Science Fiction, and OF OUR IMAGINATION. Because Infinity has no Bounds. And while sadly, Injury creates them, isn't it in our lexicon or jargon, or phraseology ... which says, "God doesn't close a door, without opening a window?"
And so ...
all my best to you on your travels and on your adventures, and as we journey ever ONWARD in life TOGETHER ... with Love!
Thank you for reading, commenting, and thank you for your consideration and compassion. It's more important than you know.
Till Next Time...
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Ps. It's been my experience that it IS IN THE SHARING and in the CARING, which reaffirms our True Identity in Faith, Hope and Love. Because, we actually SEE the opposite so often on the News and in society, of the Hoarding, the Taking, the Lying, the Stealing, the Killing and the being hyper-Rich without compassion, FUELS the fears of Loss, Greed, Jealousy, Self-Dishonesty, and the oft Closed-Minded thoughts of Conspiracy. Sadly, that TYPE of living and dwelling has a permanence all its own.
Facing Fear is not a path of least resistance, but it is a PATH. So Be not afraid to Know Thyself. Be Not Afraid to seek the truth, to know your identity and purpose. Be Not Afraid to seek after, and ask God if he's there, and to ask for help. (I know I couldn't live like this, without Spiritual help; Faith has been my one constant since I was injured, that's helped me through: guiding, protecting, strengthening ... without reservation I can say I wouldn't be with you now without it.)
Be Not Afraid. Choosing to look Within, to face the depth of whatever fears I may recognize within me, continues to impress upon me its IMPORTANCE.
But I'm curious what you think too!
Please, enjoy some of my music
HERE with a click at: ReverbNation WylieFUNK
and
HERE too at: SoundCloud WylieFUNK
Friday, February 10, 2017
Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse AND a Comet?!
Hey! Welcome BACK!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
THANKS for taking your time to read my blog. I sure appreciate your encouragement!
Don't forget, if you like music while you read, check out my original music at:
Reverbnation.com/WylieFunk
Blog 4
Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse AND a Comet?!
Now those are some extraterrestrial events: a full moon, lunar eclipse and a comet?!!! Wow!
I love comets! Then again, I think satellites are cool. I love this new show on TV called, 'What On Earth' (on the Science ch.) ... they've curated tons of satellite photos of Earth, found the most interesting, weird, awesome or UN-explainable, and made a show about them ... how cool is that?! I've really found my inner-Nerdom!
What's so unique is seeing Earth, OUR HOME, from such a radically different perspective.
I believe that's a reason why MEDIA blossomed these past hundred years. First it was writing that helped us to understand our human condition. During and after the Romans, it was the Greeks who performed Comedy and Tragedy at the theater. Then of course, it took hundreds of years before the Renaissance brought us (what was then) new age artisans! Thereafter, Mozart was live, in Concert in Vienna!!
Inventions have now brought us picture, radio, TV, motion pictures ... and the big enchilada, the Computer, all products of the 20th Century, and so too, satellites. Satellites allow us to forecast the weather, get our TV programming, and communicate around the planet, person to person. Who knows what the Governments do with them either? The world is 'smaller' because of all these technological inventions and innovations. But besides their amazing applications, what are we really using all these things for???
The three events today, a full moon, eclipse and a comet, have got me thinking about that question ... What's it all for?
We can look in the mirror and see ourselves, but knowing our place, our purpose and reason for being in the world, is so much more elusive and difficult for us to find, if we try at all. Know Thyself ... that's the famous phrase, but how? There are countless 'rites of passages' that we, in our humanity, use as life's touchstones. But besides using the yearly passing of Earth around the Sun, to indicate our age, what else defines us?
Is it graduating High School, College, receiving credentials, getting married, having children, that gives our life its' purpose? What is it to actually Grow Up and become an adult? And why does that even matter? Is it in being responsible for ourselves that truly make us independent and mature?
What I find interesting and helpful from watching the 'What On Earth' show, is that we actually learn about ourselves, as we see how others have dealt with their life's circumstances. It's just odd that we're using satellite photos to see evidence of our actions!
Remember hearing that phrase 'people-watching'? It's amazing how much 'people watching' we do!! Social Media now plays a big part of feeding that consumption habit (or is it a learning habit too?). It seems odd to say, but I imagine that some people may know MORE about other people, than themselves! And is that a problem? (we do know, on some level, that what we identify with, defines who we are!)
Personally (given what I've endured these past dozen plus years, living a solitary lifestyle, isolated because I can't get out of the apartment much, due to chronic pain), I've had to learn a lot about myself, faults, talents, warts and all ... because there's simply no hiding from yourself, when you're by yourself. That's why Meditation and Prayer, can be so positive and transcendent activities.
Maybe that's why we're all really busy with everything else, as distractions, so we don't want to deal with what's inside. I know I use distraction as a way to cope with physical pain. And it hurts to deal with the truth, emotional or otherwise. Still, being honest about what's going on, is the best way, perhaps the only positive way, to move forward, to grow, and to heal.
I think that's where the pendulum is within modern culture ...
Till Next Time
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
THANKS for taking your time to read my blog. I sure appreciate your encouragement!
Don't forget, if you like music while you read, check out my original music at:
Reverbnation.com/WylieFunk
Blog 4
Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse AND a Comet?!
Now those are some extraterrestrial events: a full moon, lunar eclipse and a comet?!!! Wow!
I love comets! Then again, I think satellites are cool. I love this new show on TV called, 'What On Earth' (on the Science ch.) ... they've curated tons of satellite photos of Earth, found the most interesting, weird, awesome or UN-explainable, and made a show about them ... how cool is that?! I've really found my inner-Nerdom!
What's so unique is seeing Earth, OUR HOME, from such a radically different perspective.
I believe that's a reason why MEDIA blossomed these past hundred years. First it was writing that helped us to understand our human condition. During and after the Romans, it was the Greeks who performed Comedy and Tragedy at the theater. Then of course, it took hundreds of years before the Renaissance brought us (what was then) new age artisans! Thereafter, Mozart was live, in Concert in Vienna!!
Inventions have now brought us picture, radio, TV, motion pictures ... and the big enchilada, the Computer, all products of the 20th Century, and so too, satellites. Satellites allow us to forecast the weather, get our TV programming, and communicate around the planet, person to person. Who knows what the Governments do with them either? The world is 'smaller' because of all these technological inventions and innovations. But besides their amazing applications, what are we really using all these things for???
The three events today, a full moon, eclipse and a comet, have got me thinking about that question ... What's it all for?
We can look in the mirror and see ourselves, but knowing our place, our purpose and reason for being in the world, is so much more elusive and difficult for us to find, if we try at all. Know Thyself ... that's the famous phrase, but how? There are countless 'rites of passages' that we, in our humanity, use as life's touchstones. But besides using the yearly passing of Earth around the Sun, to indicate our age, what else defines us?
Is it graduating High School, College, receiving credentials, getting married, having children, that gives our life its' purpose? What is it to actually Grow Up and become an adult? And why does that even matter? Is it in being responsible for ourselves that truly make us independent and mature?
What I find interesting and helpful from watching the 'What On Earth' show, is that we actually learn about ourselves, as we see how others have dealt with their life's circumstances. It's just odd that we're using satellite photos to see evidence of our actions!
Remember hearing that phrase 'people-watching'? It's amazing how much 'people watching' we do!! Social Media now plays a big part of feeding that consumption habit (or is it a learning habit too?). It seems odd to say, but I imagine that some people may know MORE about other people, than themselves! And is that a problem? (we do know, on some level, that what we identify with, defines who we are!)
Personally (given what I've endured these past dozen plus years, living a solitary lifestyle, isolated because I can't get out of the apartment much, due to chronic pain), I've had to learn a lot about myself, faults, talents, warts and all ... because there's simply no hiding from yourself, when you're by yourself. That's why Meditation and Prayer, can be so positive and transcendent activities.
Maybe that's why we're all really busy with everything else, as distractions, so we don't want to deal with what's inside. I know I use distraction as a way to cope with physical pain. And it hurts to deal with the truth, emotional or otherwise. Still, being honest about what's going on, is the best way, perhaps the only positive way, to move forward, to grow, and to heal.
I think that's where the pendulum is within modern culture ...
Till Next Time
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
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