Blog 12
My name is Wylie and I'm your PainPAL !
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Chronic Pain? Now what ...
So it's been three months since my last post? Whoa-Wow time goes by quick. Unreal.
Let me catch up with what I've been learning and going through:
I've healed up from my emergency Gall Bladder surgery (thankfully) and really learned a great deal from the experience, especially when it comes to giving me a different experience to compare my knee pain to. For example, I've recognized that my knee pain isn't nearly as bad as when my Gall Bladder BURST!!! (hence emergency surgery) With this recognition, I began to reconsider why Chronic Pain is SO Difficult to deal with.
After surgery, because I was healing in bed and didn't get up at all for almost a month (thankfully I had neighborly support with food and emptying the urinal), my knees weren't yelling at me, and driving me crazy with pain. In fact I nearly stopped taking all the pain medication ---yippee right?!--- except that as my abdomen got better and I started moving around getting out of bed, the weight bearing knee PAIN began again ... with each day getting worse as I did more and more activity.
Really, I think Pain is a sort of torture.
In fact, I think Pain is a trauma to the mind.
Yes I can handle pain for a time, before going crazy, but because literally PAIN is relative to each individual, it's hard for others and for myself to evaluate how and if we're handling the pain well or not. And as far as medicine goes, and pain management goes (and I have 17 YEARS of experience), we still haven't figured out how to objectify pain other than the 1 to 10 interval.
AND Because Pain is subjective, Pain is hard to treat! as well as hard to understand too.
It's difficult for others to understand (sometime it's difficult for me to understand too!) what I'm going through, or be able to relate to it, or empathize with what I'm going through, especially because I have a different experience each and every day ... hence 'CHRONIC Pain'!
Chronic pain is even more difficult to handle and deal with myself ... and I think it's because of FEAR.
Now some six months after the emergency Gall Bladder surgery, I'm VERY Focused on my knees again and the pain I get when walking, standing, etc... I'm recognizing how each knee offers a different type of pain, and I've learned much more about trauma and fear and how much they're interrelated.
A good example is my first fender-bender years ago, and how much I did NOT want to drive the next day because of fear. I recognized that's why we hear the phrase: 'get back up on the horse again' ... because it's important to overcome that fear right away instead of letting that trauma of getting thrown from the horse, affect us to the point of making us fearful of getting back on!
How does that relate to my situation and my Chronic Pain condition?
EVERYDAY I've got to overcome the pain trauma (however big or small) and hence FEAR of THAT PAIN. The fear of Pain can be subtle, even sub-conscious, and sometimes it hits like a ton and immobilizes me and I can't contribute at all or be productive ... in fact often I search out DISTRACTIONS.
For me, the Pain I feel when I stand up, when I brush my teeth, take a shower, wash the dishes, vacuum, check the mail, etc. etc., is a trauma that occurs with such regularity, that 'getting back up on the horse', stops working ... and as such, life feels like it's a torture, and fear sets in. I fear taking a shower. I hate to do the dishes much less cook for myself. On and on it goes.
I don't want to admit this, but it's true.
Life sucks ... BUT (and here's where everyone has to deal with their own life situation, their own choices, their own faith and hope and love) ... because I recognize my own self-worth, because I care about myself, because I love myself, because I have Faith and Love God too ... I refuse to give up.
AND This is where the rubber meets the road. Every bleeping day.
Yes, some days I do give in ... I don't do all that I had planned to get done. I stay in bed all day with my legs up, I eat poorly, don't do my exercises, etc. etc ... but that's the challenge of Chronic Pain ... to never give up ... to keep going!!
Chronic Pain? Now what ...
One thing I think I've figured out that will give my body the best chance to get HEALTHY after surgery is to do a few months of Physical Therapy BEFORE Surgery!
That's what I'm doing now ... physical therapy each day.
Exercises each day.
Staying committed.
Keeping going.
Finding and choosing to work with Doctors who take time to discuss my condition and
how I can get HEALTHY! That's my CHALLENGE! And a challenge means success is NOT assured .... but I'm going for it.
The Gall Bladder emergency surgery taught me I only have this one body and I can and need to do better, taking CARE of myself and MY Body!! (Oddly enough, we need to do better taking Care of our Planet: we only have this one planet!)
To do that, I need to LEARN HOW to do better taking care of my Body
AND
I need to DO BETTER Taking Care of my Body
through Exercise, Diet, Mindfulness, Meditation, Prayer, Love, Productivity, and did I mention Exercise! :)
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Thanks again for your support!
Til next time ...
My name is Wylie and I'm your PainPAL !
