Blog 14
Welcome back ...
My name is Wylie and I'm your PainPAL!
Pain and Amplifiers
"It's all in your head" ... I really don't like hearing that.
As if that'll make what I'm feeling any easier to deal with, or I knew what to do to 'change my head'?!!! No, the Pain isn't in my head, but my mind IS the processor of the signal ... yet the mind can also be an amplifier of pain instead of simply the control box.
Ugh! Not that I enjoy talking about this pain stuff!!
Pain sucks, period! Yet, as I've had opportunities to reflect upon my situation, I've noticed that I've let myself get overwhelmed by pain quite often, instead of learning to Master it. I give into the Fear of Pain, and the Fear of Being in Pain -- even when I'm not actually feeling the pain signals.
But mastering pain? There's no set of rules on how to master pain. I did find that Mindfulness Meditation helps a lot. But with the Pain being an external force ... outside of myself ... how I control my response to the pain signal and become more aware of the sensations of Pain, help me so I can try to take control back, instead of being ruled by the Pain everyday.
In the past for example, I'll wake up and my first thought will be about 'Pain' ... how much do I have? Should I, can I just stay in bed? The questions go on and on, but happen almost instantaneously! Yet, recently I became aware of the 12 steps program that Alcoholics Anonymous uses ... the first three steps have been so key for me too!
First, admitting how powerless I am over the pain, and that it's my job to cope well, and work toward health, has been a HUGE CHANGE of Mindset for me! Then Second and Third, giving my situation over to God, and believing! that'll help and enable me to get better, has helped take a huge weight and uncertainty off my shoulders. Having FAITH that I'm going to get healthy?? WOW! Yes! Sign me up!
The Pain Game is tough, but it's NO Longer MY Journey Alone!
For years I tried to deal with pain by myself and all I did was get depressed by isolating myself and shaming and judging myself. I gave into every FEAR in the book too: fear of having pain, fear of others rejection of me for being disabled, fear of not being successful, fear of being successful ... there are so many Fears, it's easy to get caught in one after the other.
Yet, thankfully, I heard somewhere that before we pass on, we'll have to FACE All Our FEARS!! That was an eye-opener (even if not true), and I took it to heart, that I needed to Face my Fears instead of letting them overwhelm and control my life.
That's why ASKING for Help has been so KEY for me!! It was an opportunity to change ... and where I was afraid to ask for help for a variety of reasons, now I'm including others in my life and realizing how much others actually would like to help!!!
I also had the realization that I was even afraid of getting Healthy! I could spend pages on that, but let me say that this year, I realized that my Greatest Goal is to START to Get HEALTHY!
Getting Healthy!!?? Wow!
For so long that was a light at the end of the tunnel that I couldn't see, much less envision or imagine! The pain wouldn't let me even believe that something like HEALTH would be possible for me. That Changed as I began to Pray and open up about my Health.
What could I do?
Who could help me?
How do I get better?
Why do I feel so desperate and why can't I turn the page and wake up from this crazy dream?
Am I lost in this painfulness for good?
Do I need to accept this reality or can I change and get better than what I'm doing and how I'm living now?
So many questions ... so many emotions and feelings I'd squashed and tried not to address.
I had So much Fear to feel, to go through and that I needed to let go.
And How did I let go, and get through the fear?? How do I still get through it?
Two words: FAITH and CONFIDENCE
(( and fyi, Faith and Confidence are opposite of what Pres. Trump provokes ... His MISSION is to stoke people's FEAR so they'll look to him ... and Trump LIES to assist in creating the Fear. NOW more than Ever, we need Truth-Speakers and Peace Makers, people of integrity and honesty, who stand up to Evil and give Voice to the Need for LOVE.
Love is the great Answer to all our Problems.
--- sorry for the political commentary ))
REALITY CHECK 101
Corroboration.
Another aspect of Fear, is how much it forced me to shut down instead of SEEK answers. I was afraid to find out what was wrong, for example. And actually there were a lot of unconscious fears too I've had to deal with ... I got started by searching for the Truth of my situation: what's really wrong with my knees? Why do I have chronic pain in each knee? What's the real problem, and how can I get better and get the problem addressed and fixed???
So I sought second opinions ...
This year I saw FIVE different surgeons to try to find out what I was facing. Some said I needed surgery, others said Physical Therapy. They all agreed that my situation was unique, and complex, but also difficult to be sure what the underlying problem really is. Yet, now I'm taking a holistic approach to my health. Now I've chosen a doctor who's helping me Identify the pain signals AND the amplifiers (what makes the pain worse, or better and why/how), and try to understand and learn about the symptoms, THEN create a TREATMENT PLAN of Action ... instead of immediately deciding to undergo surgery, which may not be the best treatment option.
Instead of being afraid of what I'm dealing with, NOW I'm acting confidently as the Quarterback of my Healthcare Team, trying to understand the complex situation, gathering information and learning and trying to form a great Treatment Plan. My new doctor and I agreed that to try Physical Therapy first (which so far has shown very positive results), to see what we could learn through that experience, instead of jumping directly to having surgery!
(Note***
Thankfully, I've found and am working with a Doctor I trust, who spends
time chatting with me <not 5 or10 mins, but 25 or 30mins>,
discussing the issues and the health problem needing to be addressed. I
highly recommend searching for a doctor, meeting several, til you find one you're
comfortable with. Out of Fear, I've often just accepted the first one I
find.)
CHANGE takes Time, Effort, Trial and Error ...
It's an experiment ... that's what Physical Therapy feels like to me ... that I'm trying to CHANGE my body. I've also discovered, that Changing my body also has to do with changing my mind. So I'm examining my mental situation, both at home in prayer and meditation time, and with a professional psychologist too, as I try to get a better handle on following through with my Treatment Plan and reaching my Goal of getting Healthy.
Of course, as I examine my mental situation, the first thing I remember that I'm having to deal with regularly is ... Fear ... Fear and Pain are very different, but wow are both super aggravating!!! Part of my job now in getting healthy is to continue getting better at identifying and facing my fears, especially my fear of pain and being in pain.
Over and over, FEAR creeps into my Mind everyday about feeling the pain signals. I experience more pain because of Fear. I place more attention to the pain and that amplifies it in my mind!
Fear is a Pain AMPLIFIER!!
So too is Depression a Pain AMPLIFIER!!
Something which makes me think more about pain and give pain more attention, is a pain amplifier unless considered thoughtfully. Even Medications can be a Pain Amplifier!!
Learning that there are Pain Amplifiers is crazy great too, because now I can reassess what my baseline pain levels are, ie. what are my 'true' pain signals? instead of thinking the pain is worse because that's what I'm feeling as I dread/fear the next 'flare-up' (which may not even happen).
More and more on this Pain journey, I help myself when I gain more information and learn more, gaining more knowledge, either self knowledge or knowledge about the body, like what I learned from my new Physical Therapist, who introduced me to the nature of how my leg muscles work and interact with the joints, supporting the body, plus how stronger muscles can limit pain too!
And with the routine PT Exercises, I've begun to feel a dramatic change this summer, with less knee buckling because my leg muscles have started to get stronger! Now I have muscles 'there' to support the structure again, instead of being atrophied.
Yes I've had some muscle flare ups from the exercises too, but that's to be expected during this experimental time (and it would be weird if I didn't have any) ... yet, my past Phy Therapists didn't explain this ... I thought that the pain flare-up was from my knee joint and I was experiencing something that was compounding the problem. Now, I'm in the process of discovering, what's really wrong with my knee ... what is the pain signal? and where is it coming from?
Instead of focusing on the pain being amplified, being concerned and fearful, now I can refocus on where the pain is originating, and how I can get Healthy!
Because I'm going to get Healthy!!
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Thanks for reading!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL!
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Check out my original songs and instrumentals here: Off Menu
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