Blog 10
Welcome back!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL!
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We've arrived in 2018 and wow! sometimes it's too hard to believe ... time just doesn't stop! The thing is, with Chronic Pain and Disability, it's is SO IMPORTANT that we don't stop either.
Speaking for myself, when I get in the habit of resting for too long, my momentum ceases, and it's so difficult to get going again. It takes desire, willpower, choice and so much more, to overcome FEAR! and keep going, keep moving forward. There's always that fear of what's next, but worse, that fear of pain hiding like a shadow. It's only in my mind, sure, but that's what so, so tough, noticing it, challenging it and telling it to get thee behind.
You see in my circumstance, with my Disability and Chronic Pain, I can walk a little while, sometimes a whole block before my knee/s give out ... and then there are big consequences ... like feeling the knife, the saw, the ice pick. But for a little while, they've yet to be brought out. There's a little hope that I can do something without feeling that 'gravity of the situation' HIT me. Again. and AGAIN. AND AGAIN!!
But that's the FEAR, the fear of THAT Pain which hangs over me everyday. The fear of THAT PAIN, is like a cloud waiting to burst above me, but there isn't rain, no ... it's THE Lightning BOLT that lashes my knees when I've stood too long or walked too far. And damn it hurts.
So I spend a lot of time in bed with my legs up. I design jewelry, I watch TV, I get on the computer, read, sleep, rest.
But LIFE's A TEST: each day we get to choose what we do, and then before bed (or not) we can examine how our day went and whether or not to make changes tomorrow.
I've noticed how unique we are in this amazing Universe where the Laws of Physics are so reliable. Each day the Sun comes up and each night the Sun disappears. But for us (for those healthy and FREE), for each and every human being, we have the choice of what we're going to do, when we sleep, eat, work, play, exercise, practice, etc. etc. etc.
After my visit home for Christmas, I found it hard to readjust to my routine. I missed home. I missed my folks. But also I missed the activities together. Back here in California, I don't have anyone to help me through the days. The days get so daunting when the future just looks like a haze of pain killers and 'Pain - Lightning' ... the Fear sometimes triumphs and I don't get up. I don't keep moving.
I don't keep going. I get stuck. I stay stuck.
That's the Change I'd Like to See in the World for 2018 ... I'd like to get going!
I need to get GOING!
I need to get back to exercising, get back to caring about myself and my health, and stop being scared about pain. Yes, it feels like torture ... drip, drip, drip, day in, day out, pain, pain, pain, drip, drip, never ending f***ing drip.
NO. STOP. Stop thinking about it.
I've got to just let it run through me, NOT CONSUME Me.
Let it run through me.
(Why do we get stuck on some emotions & fears anyway?)
When it consumes me I get caught.
I get stuck.
I don't keep going forward, with my guard up, with my smile on, with my enthusiasm rocking ...
momentum knocking down the road-blocks in my way.
I've got to envision what's my Way ... WHAT IS My WAY?!
How am I going to be the change I'd like to see?
How am I ... Going to BE?
I've got to do better at honoring my journey and myself ... being and Doing Right BY myself ... for myself and for others, for my family, friends and especially for God.
Each day offers so many choices of how I'm going to live it.
I've got to forgive myself, let go of that past and then:
Be the Change I'd Like to See in the World.
I can envision what that looks like ...
I hope you'll consider, and envision:
what does your best self look like to you?
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Till next time ...
Thanks for you support!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL!
Don't forget to support my "Off Menu" musical endeavors at:
Reverbnation.com/OffMenu
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