Quality of Life: the Mindset of Patience

Hey Hey!
Welcome to the Year of the Rooster!!


My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
I'd like to take a moment to Thank You for taking your time to read my blog.  I appreciate your encouragement, your feedback, ideas and just really, your overall sensitivity towards dealing with Pain in its variety of forms.


Before we get deeper, I'd like to also offer you access to some of my music at:
reverbnation.com/wylieFunk
(In case you're like me, and enjoy listening to music while you read.)


With that, let's begin to delve into another PainPAL installment!


Blog 3
Quality of Life:  the Mindset of Patience

As you've read in previous posts, I have a disability including chronic pain and functional bi-lateral knee issues like locking and buckling, for example.  So imagine everyday, waking up in the morning, trying to get excited -- hey, it's a brand new day!! --  until you FEEL ... that other shoe DROP!  That's what happens when I go to stand up and am reminded, 'hey stupid, ahh... down here!'

Yep, either both knees are complaining or one is more painful than the other ... and I haven't even got started with the day yet!!!  It feels like every day is work personified!  It took years of learning and experimenting and trial and error, just to learn how to overcome the physical 'taunts of the pain' and to find a way to keep going.  Many times I gave up, just stayed in bed or on the couch because I just couldn't or didn't want to deal with the Pain that comes from standing or walking. 

That's the trial of disability;  that's the daily work of disability:  to keep trying, to keep adapting, and to not give up.  It's why learning to live with a mindset of PATIENCE, is so helpful, and really key to improving ones Quality of Life.  What do I mean?  Of course the idea of 'Quality of Life' is somewhat subjective and relative to one's life experience, let me explain with an example, including this idea of living with a 'mindset of Patience'.

I live in Oakland, 15 minutes away, across the Bay, from San Francisco.  Yippee!!  (well not quite...)  Unfortunately, now, due to the disability, I probably get to San Francisco only about three or four times a year!  Compare that with how often I'd go to SF when I first moved here back in 1999, when I used to work at a jewelry store near the SFO, the San Francisco airport.  I felt like I had the world by the tail.  Yet fast forward to 2017, and amusingly, I have a family member who's always prodding me about 'why I don't go to SF' ... I just can't explain how difficult it is for me to do what everyone else seems to take for granted.  (And really, that's the issue of 'Quality of Life' ...)

Just the other day I found out that one of my friends and his band was playing at a cool club in SF ... AND hey, I live only 15 minutes away!  [Exciting right?!!!]  But add the FACT (not an alternative fact, but a Fact) that to get there (and actually enjoy the concert, and not go insane), I have to take a certain amount of pain medications.  [Ok, many people take medication ... not a deal breaker]  But then, upon arrival, uh oh, the club also has stairs.  Not just any ole half flight of stairs, but more like 20 to 30 of them!  Now suddenly, there's unforeseen Consequences.  That's when the 'mindset of Patience' is so really important ... 'cause I can say forget it, and leave ... yet Patience is about accepting the situation, accepting what is in front of us, acceptance of the suffering or the conflict.

So what of the consequences:  the stairs (that I didn't know of) meant that my right knee would grind to a halt with every step, and my left knee would begin to feel like someone started using a carving knife on it with each step.  (Wonder why I don't get out more often???)  But no one knows this except me.  And that's also the interesting thing about pain, no one can see it!  Pain is invisible!!!  That's the thing about disability, it's far more easy to just chill at home, than to go out.  But I decided to stay, support my friend, and really enjoyed the show!!  Sure everyone was dancing, and I can't, but that's no big deal ... I still soaked it all in and enjoyed some great music.  To me that's a product of cultivating the mindset of Patience and thus having a better Quality of Life ... at least trying to maximize it!

Does that example enable you to see a little bit of the difference in the Quality of Life that I once had, and have now?  I think I went through every stage of grief, probably two or three times, but now I try to roll with the punches instead of getting upset, or being angry, vindictive, etc... etc... (who put those darn stairs there anyway!) and live each day with a mindset of acceptance and of Patience.  Where I fail at times is when I'm driving!!  Darn if I can't hold my tongue.  It's as if people deliberately drive slow in front of me, just for fun!!!  But isn't that the challenge of life, to hold and maintain our mindset of peacefulness and Patience ... no matter the circumstances.  That reminds me of something my Gramma once said, 'one the toughest things in life is dealing with other people' ... and I'd have to agree.  I think we could all use an extra helping of Patience, while we're interacting with one another.

And so, I accept that I can only go to SF a few times a year ... and that's ok.  I'm GRATEFUL for those events and special occasions!!  So I have to be careful and pick and choose when I'm going to go (and where too).  It's a weird kind of discrimination, but it's important to understand what limitations I have because of Pain!  Sometimes, I get ready to go, and then realize, Wow, I'm in a lot of pain already!  So I have to decide to stay home.  Sometimes, I get part way to the event and realize that there's no way I can make it through, and so I have to turn around.  There's no way it makes sense to go when the pain has already reached a certain level.  That's part and parcel of having a disability:  I have to listen to my body and be considerate of myself and how I feel.  This is very much the lesson of: 'Know Thyself' ... AND learning to be patient with who I am too  :)

I wasn't always good at Patience, much less being present, nor understanding what or how I was feeling physically.  (perhaps experience is indeed the best teacher)  But I think I've made progress:  where once I used to isolate myself, because I wasn't used to dealing with the chronic pain (especially with a loving and patient attitude) ... now I understand that I can't let the pain be in charge or control!!  Additionally, I came to realization of the value and true importance of human interaction.  That's also changed my Quality of Life!  In fact, I've learned that the simple act of 'Asking for Help', is an incredible skill itself ... one that I wasn't very good at initially, but with practice, have really come to rely upon!  Only just last year did I realize the significance of 'asking for help' ... Why?  Because neither social isolation nor extended solitude (both of which are SO easy for me with my disability) are healthy to our human self!  Rather, it's in our interactions, and our sharing (the good times and bad) with others, that rewards us, particularly emotionally.

We're social beings ... beings of unity.  We like to enjoy one another, and we need one another ... that's Interdependence, and that's the human condition.  That's been my experience ... and I've found that my Quality of Life is much better when I'm with others, sharing an emotional connection, interacting, being social, asking for and receiving help if necessary, and if possible serving too!  Speaking of serving, oddly enough, it seems that having a mindset of Patience has best served my situation and disability.  It takes a lot of practice, often with failures, but I see the practicality and usefulness in being steady and balanced, given all I'm going through, and I feel that cultivating a mindset of Patience is a tremendous gift.  Patience sure seems necessary, especially given the current political climate. 

To close, I'm curious if either idea:  'Quality of Life' & the 'mindset of Patience'  ... found a particular resonance within you?   Do you see a similar connection like I do?  I'd love to hear some examples of how your Quality of Life increased as a result of practicing a 'mindset of Patience'.  It's always nice just to receive your comments.  Thank you!

 
Till next time ...
my name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL