Welcome back!
My name is Wylie and I'm your PainPAL.
Blog 5
INJURY .... Think about the name and the sound of the word.
I've always enjoyed thinking more scientifically as my way of analyzing the world around me, testing theories, hypothesis and especially the occasion and awe-inspiring 'epiphany' (hopefully everyone has had that experience of an answer, an EPIPHANY, what I like to think of as a synthesis to what was seemingly too complex to understand, yet ... somehow, a thought, the conclusive, true inspiration came to mind during contemplation). Answers need Questions too you know!! And within that idea, let's delve into INJURY ...
When I look at the word Injury, and hear it literally, it makes me think of 'in - jury' ... now while I've never served in Jury duty as yet, I've seen my share of tv shows and films like '12 Angry Men' with Henry Fonda. So in consideration of the word 'Injury' literally like this (reminding myself that's it IS AN EXPERIENCE ... 'in - jury'), reminds me of an uncertainty of the outcome of my situation: what will the judgment be, will I ever be healed ... will my hurt and pain become a permanent life situation governing my actions, because let's be honest, some injuries change us physically (and mentally, even Spiritually) forever, while other injuries do not.
I've been facing injuries to both my knees for 16 years: a lot of pain and suffering, loneliness and despair under the bridge (as I'm reminded of the phrase from 'Sam' in the movie 'CASABLANCA'). But experiencing injury has helped me have to do a lot of LEARNING, and thankfully lean heavily upon FAITH and acts of kindness (random or intentional) and compassion on behalf of others, be they family or friends, sometimes mere acquaintances.
Sadly, society and culture have moved further away from this ETHIC of helping those in need, marginalizing us, threatening to take away what little safety nets have been put in place by previous thoughtful, considerate and just-minded individuals, who have WORKED on behalf of those of us in NEED.
I learned as a child to hold back what I was feeling. As an adult, it is apparent to me, that not only is honest expression of feelings important, but it's CRITICAL to the success of a TRULY 'CIVIL' Society. Without being able to talk openly with one another, especially one on one, but also in groups, honestly, and importantly, open-mindedly, without instant judgment, the world will continue on the downward path, the backward path, away from PEACE, PROSPERITY, HOPE and most importantly, LOVE and its' expression.
But WHY should anyone CARE about those who suffer?
Because, INJURY opens up the sadly 'cliched' Pandora's Box of Fear; truth is ... facing injury is beyond scary.
Still, with a humble heart, hopefully at times being courageous, I've learned that facing Fears is truly important to the growth of our Spirit, of WHO WE ARE, and Who We SEEK to BECOME ... THAT Identity. And SPIRITUAL GROWTH, while mysterious to many, is less a mystery to those who SEEK to learn, to know, to grow and, ultimately, receive TRUTH with a forgiving heart.
Perhaps, while we live at the edge of time, as History continues to be written, FORGIVENESS, (that openness to take WHATSOEVER that's happened in the past, and turn it UPSIDE-DOWN) will take it's rightful place among Faith, Hope and Love. To me, forgiveness is the lesson I learned as a child from my mother, that of the "GOLDEN RULE" taken to its Logical conclusion, in FULFILLMENT by an AUTHENTIC expression and giving of LOVE.
While perhaps our world has many an 'In-Jury' too. It is COLLECTIVELY, that we hold the KEYS that will someday usher in the Brightest of Prophecy, of Science Fiction, and OF OUR IMAGINATION. Because Infinity has no Bounds. And while sadly, Injury creates them, isn't it in our lexicon or jargon, or phraseology ... which says, "God doesn't close a door, without opening a window?"
And so ...
all my best to you on your travels and on your adventures, and as we journey ever ONWARD in life TOGETHER ... with Love!
Thank you for reading, commenting, and thank you for your consideration and compassion. It's more important than you know.
Till Next Time...
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Ps. It's been my experience that it IS IN THE SHARING and in the CARING, which reaffirms our True Identity in Faith, Hope and Love. Because, we actually SEE the opposite so often on the News and in society, of the Hoarding, the Taking, the Lying, the Stealing, the Killing and the being hyper-Rich without compassion, FUELS the fears of Loss, Greed, Jealousy, Self-Dishonesty, and the oft Closed-Minded thoughts of Conspiracy. Sadly, that TYPE of living and dwelling has a permanence all its own.
Facing Fear is not a path of least resistance, but it is a PATH. So Be not afraid to Know Thyself. Be Not Afraid to seek the truth, to know your identity and purpose. Be Not Afraid to seek after, and ask God if he's there, and to ask for help. (I know I couldn't live like this, without Spiritual help; Faith has been my one constant since I was injured, that's helped me through: guiding, protecting, strengthening ... without reservation I can say I wouldn't be with you now without it.)
Be Not Afraid. Choosing to look Within, to face the depth of whatever fears I may recognize within me, continues to impress upon me its IMPORTANCE.
But I'm curious what you think too!
Please, enjoy some of my music
HERE with a click at: ReverbNation WylieFUNK
and
HERE too at: SoundCloud WylieFUNK
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Friday, February 10, 2017
Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse AND a Comet?!
Hey! Welcome BACK!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
THANKS for taking your time to read my blog. I sure appreciate your encouragement!
Don't forget, if you like music while you read, check out my original music at:
Reverbnation.com/WylieFunk
Blog 4
Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse AND a Comet?!
Now those are some extraterrestrial events: a full moon, lunar eclipse and a comet?!!! Wow!
I love comets! Then again, I think satellites are cool. I love this new show on TV called, 'What On Earth' (on the Science ch.) ... they've curated tons of satellite photos of Earth, found the most interesting, weird, awesome or UN-explainable, and made a show about them ... how cool is that?! I've really found my inner-Nerdom!
What's so unique is seeing Earth, OUR HOME, from such a radically different perspective.
I believe that's a reason why MEDIA blossomed these past hundred years. First it was writing that helped us to understand our human condition. During and after the Romans, it was the Greeks who performed Comedy and Tragedy at the theater. Then of course, it took hundreds of years before the Renaissance brought us (what was then) new age artisans! Thereafter, Mozart was live, in Concert in Vienna!!
Inventions have now brought us picture, radio, TV, motion pictures ... and the big enchilada, the Computer, all products of the 20th Century, and so too, satellites. Satellites allow us to forecast the weather, get our TV programming, and communicate around the planet, person to person. Who knows what the Governments do with them either? The world is 'smaller' because of all these technological inventions and innovations. But besides their amazing applications, what are we really using all these things for???
The three events today, a full moon, eclipse and a comet, have got me thinking about that question ... What's it all for?
We can look in the mirror and see ourselves, but knowing our place, our purpose and reason for being in the world, is so much more elusive and difficult for us to find, if we try at all. Know Thyself ... that's the famous phrase, but how? There are countless 'rites of passages' that we, in our humanity, use as life's touchstones. But besides using the yearly passing of Earth around the Sun, to indicate our age, what else defines us?
Is it graduating High School, College, receiving credentials, getting married, having children, that gives our life its' purpose? What is it to actually Grow Up and become an adult? And why does that even matter? Is it in being responsible for ourselves that truly make us independent and mature?
What I find interesting and helpful from watching the 'What On Earth' show, is that we actually learn about ourselves, as we see how others have dealt with their life's circumstances. It's just odd that we're using satellite photos to see evidence of our actions!
Remember hearing that phrase 'people-watching'? It's amazing how much 'people watching' we do!! Social Media now plays a big part of feeding that consumption habit (or is it a learning habit too?). It seems odd to say, but I imagine that some people may know MORE about other people, than themselves! And is that a problem? (we do know, on some level, that what we identify with, defines who we are!)
Personally (given what I've endured these past dozen plus years, living a solitary lifestyle, isolated because I can't get out of the apartment much, due to chronic pain), I've had to learn a lot about myself, faults, talents, warts and all ... because there's simply no hiding from yourself, when you're by yourself. That's why Meditation and Prayer, can be so positive and transcendent activities.
Maybe that's why we're all really busy with everything else, as distractions, so we don't want to deal with what's inside. I know I use distraction as a way to cope with physical pain. And it hurts to deal with the truth, emotional or otherwise. Still, being honest about what's going on, is the best way, perhaps the only positive way, to move forward, to grow, and to heal.
I think that's where the pendulum is within modern culture ...
Till Next Time
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
THANKS for taking your time to read my blog. I sure appreciate your encouragement!
Don't forget, if you like music while you read, check out my original music at:
Reverbnation.com/WylieFunk
Blog 4
Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse AND a Comet?!
Now those are some extraterrestrial events: a full moon, lunar eclipse and a comet?!!! Wow!
I love comets! Then again, I think satellites are cool. I love this new show on TV called, 'What On Earth' (on the Science ch.) ... they've curated tons of satellite photos of Earth, found the most interesting, weird, awesome or UN-explainable, and made a show about them ... how cool is that?! I've really found my inner-Nerdom!
What's so unique is seeing Earth, OUR HOME, from such a radically different perspective.
I believe that's a reason why MEDIA blossomed these past hundred years. First it was writing that helped us to understand our human condition. During and after the Romans, it was the Greeks who performed Comedy and Tragedy at the theater. Then of course, it took hundreds of years before the Renaissance brought us (what was then) new age artisans! Thereafter, Mozart was live, in Concert in Vienna!!
Inventions have now brought us picture, radio, TV, motion pictures ... and the big enchilada, the Computer, all products of the 20th Century, and so too, satellites. Satellites allow us to forecast the weather, get our TV programming, and communicate around the planet, person to person. Who knows what the Governments do with them either? The world is 'smaller' because of all these technological inventions and innovations. But besides their amazing applications, what are we really using all these things for???
The three events today, a full moon, eclipse and a comet, have got me thinking about that question ... What's it all for?
We can look in the mirror and see ourselves, but knowing our place, our purpose and reason for being in the world, is so much more elusive and difficult for us to find, if we try at all. Know Thyself ... that's the famous phrase, but how? There are countless 'rites of passages' that we, in our humanity, use as life's touchstones. But besides using the yearly passing of Earth around the Sun, to indicate our age, what else defines us?
Is it graduating High School, College, receiving credentials, getting married, having children, that gives our life its' purpose? What is it to actually Grow Up and become an adult? And why does that even matter? Is it in being responsible for ourselves that truly make us independent and mature?
What I find interesting and helpful from watching the 'What On Earth' show, is that we actually learn about ourselves, as we see how others have dealt with their life's circumstances. It's just odd that we're using satellite photos to see evidence of our actions!
Remember hearing that phrase 'people-watching'? It's amazing how much 'people watching' we do!! Social Media now plays a big part of feeding that consumption habit (or is it a learning habit too?). It seems odd to say, but I imagine that some people may know MORE about other people, than themselves! And is that a problem? (we do know, on some level, that what we identify with, defines who we are!)
Personally (given what I've endured these past dozen plus years, living a solitary lifestyle, isolated because I can't get out of the apartment much, due to chronic pain), I've had to learn a lot about myself, faults, talents, warts and all ... because there's simply no hiding from yourself, when you're by yourself. That's why Meditation and Prayer, can be so positive and transcendent activities.
Maybe that's why we're all really busy with everything else, as distractions, so we don't want to deal with what's inside. I know I use distraction as a way to cope with physical pain. And it hurts to deal with the truth, emotional or otherwise. Still, being honest about what's going on, is the best way, perhaps the only positive way, to move forward, to grow, and to heal.
I think that's where the pendulum is within modern culture ...
Till Next Time
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Quality of Life: the Mindset of Patience
Hey Hey!
Welcome to the Year of the Rooster!!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
I'd like to take a moment to Thank You for taking your time to read my blog. I appreciate your encouragement, your feedback, ideas and just really, your overall sensitivity towards dealing with Pain in its variety of forms.
Before we get deeper, I'd like to also offer you access to some of my music at:
reverbnation.com/wylieFunk
(In case you're like me, and enjoy listening to music while you read.)
With that, let's begin to delve into another PainPAL installment!
Blog 3
Quality of Life: the Mindset of Patience
As you've read in previous posts, I have a disability including chronic pain and functional bi-lateral knee issues like locking and buckling, for example. So imagine everyday, waking up in the morning, trying to get excited -- hey, it's a brand new day!! -- until you FEEL ... that other shoe DROP! That's what happens when I go to stand up and am reminded, 'hey stupid, ahh... down here!'
Yep, either both knees are complaining or one is more painful than the other ... and I haven't even got started with the day yet!!! It feels like every day is work personified! It took years of learning and experimenting and trial and error, just to learn how to overcome the physical 'taunts of the pain' and to find a way to keep going. Many times I gave up, just stayed in bed or on the couch because I just couldn't or didn't want to deal with the Pain that comes from standing or walking.
That's the trial of disability; that's the daily work of disability: to keep trying, to keep adapting, and to not give up. It's why learning to live with a mindset of PATIENCE, is so helpful, and really key to improving ones Quality of Life. What do I mean? Of course the idea of 'Quality of Life' is somewhat subjective and relative to one's life experience, let me explain with an example, including this idea of living with a 'mindset of Patience'.
I live in Oakland, 15 minutes away, across the Bay, from San Francisco. Yippee!! (well not quite...) Unfortunately, now, due to the disability, I probably get to San Francisco only about three or four times a year! Compare that with how often I'd go to SF when I first moved here back in 1999, when I used to work at a jewelry store near the SFO, the San Francisco airport. I felt like I had the world by the tail. Yet fast forward to 2017, and amusingly, I have a family member who's always prodding me about 'why I don't go to SF' ... I just can't explain how difficult it is for me to do what everyone else seems to take for granted. (And really, that's the issue of 'Quality of Life' ...)
Just the other day I found out that one of my friends and his band was playing at a cool club in SF ... AND hey, I live only 15 minutes away! [Exciting right?!!!] But add the FACT (not an alternative fact, but a Fact) that to get there (and actually enjoy the concert, and not go insane), I have to take a certain amount of pain medications. [Ok, many people take medication ... not a deal breaker] But then, upon arrival, uh oh, the club also has stairs. Not just any ole half flight of stairs, but more like 20 to 30 of them! Now suddenly, there's unforeseen Consequences. That's when the 'mindset of Patience' is so really important ... 'cause I can say forget it, and leave ... yet Patience is about accepting the situation, accepting what is in front of us, acceptance of the suffering or the conflict.
So what of the consequences: the stairs (that I didn't know of) meant that my right knee would grind to a halt with every step, and my left knee would begin to feel like someone started using a carving knife on it with each step. (Wonder why I don't get out more often???) But no one knows this except me. And that's also the interesting thing about pain, no one can see it! Pain is invisible!!! That's the thing about disability, it's far more easy to just chill at home, than to go out. But I decided to stay, support my friend, and really enjoyed the show!! Sure everyone was dancing, and I can't, but that's no big deal ... I still soaked it all in and enjoyed some great music. To me that's a product of cultivating the mindset of Patience and thus having a better Quality of Life ... at least trying to maximize it!
Does that example enable you to see a little bit of the difference in the Quality of Life that I once had, and have now? I think I went through every stage of grief, probably two or three times, but now I try to roll with the punches instead of getting upset, or being angry, vindictive, etc... etc... (who put those darn stairs there anyway!) and live each day with a mindset of acceptance and of Patience. Where I fail at times is when I'm driving!! Darn if I can't hold my tongue. It's as if people deliberately drive slow in front of me, just for fun!!! But isn't that the challenge of life, to hold and maintain our mindset of peacefulness and Patience ... no matter the circumstances. That reminds me of something my Gramma once said, 'one the toughest things in life is dealing with other people' ... and I'd have to agree. I think we could all use an extra helping of Patience, while we're interacting with one another.
And so, I accept that I can only go to SF a few times a year ... and that's ok. I'm GRATEFUL for those events and special occasions!! So I have to be careful and pick and choose when I'm going to go (and where too). It's a weird kind of discrimination, but it's important to understand what limitations I have because of Pain! Sometimes, I get ready to go, and then realize, Wow, I'm in a lot of pain already! So I have to decide to stay home. Sometimes, I get part way to the event and realize that there's no way I can make it through, and so I have to turn around. There's no way it makes sense to go when the pain has already reached a certain level. That's part and parcel of having a disability: I have to listen to my body and be considerate of myself and how I feel. This is very much the lesson of: 'Know Thyself' ... AND learning to be patient with who I am too :)
I wasn't always good at Patience, much less being present, nor understanding what or how I was feeling physically. (perhaps experience is indeed the best teacher) But I think I've made progress: where once I used to isolate myself, because I wasn't used to dealing with the chronic pain (especially with a loving and patient attitude) ... now I understand that I can't let the pain be in charge or control!! Additionally, I came to realization of the value and true importance of human interaction. That's also changed my Quality of Life! In fact, I've learned that the simple act of 'Asking for Help', is an incredible skill itself ... one that I wasn't very good at initially, but with practice, have really come to rely upon! Only just last year did I realize the significance of 'asking for help' ... Why? Because neither social isolation nor extended solitude (both of which are SO easy for me with my disability) are healthy to our human self! Rather, it's in our interactions, and our sharing (the good times and bad) with others, that rewards us, particularly emotionally.
We're social beings ... beings of unity. We like to enjoy one another, and we need one another ... that's Interdependence, and that's the human condition. That's been my experience ... and I've found that my Quality of Life is much better when I'm with others, sharing an emotional connection, interacting, being social, asking for and receiving help if necessary, and if possible serving too! Speaking of serving, oddly enough, it seems that having a mindset of Patience has best served my situation and disability. It takes a lot of practice, often with failures, but I see the practicality and usefulness in being steady and balanced, given all I'm going through, and I feel that cultivating a mindset of Patience is a tremendous gift. Patience sure seems necessary, especially given the current political climate.
To close, I'm curious if either idea: 'Quality of Life' & the 'mindset of Patience' ... found a particular resonance within you? Do you see a similar connection like I do? I'd love to hear some examples of how your Quality of Life increased as a result of practicing a 'mindset of Patience'. It's always nice just to receive your comments. Thank you!
Till next time ...
my name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Welcome to the Year of the Rooster!!
My name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
I'd like to take a moment to Thank You for taking your time to read my blog. I appreciate your encouragement, your feedback, ideas and just really, your overall sensitivity towards dealing with Pain in its variety of forms.
Before we get deeper, I'd like to also offer you access to some of my music at:
reverbnation.com/wylieFunk
(In case you're like me, and enjoy listening to music while you read.)
With that, let's begin to delve into another PainPAL installment!
Blog 3
Quality of Life: the Mindset of Patience
As you've read in previous posts, I have a disability including chronic pain and functional bi-lateral knee issues like locking and buckling, for example. So imagine everyday, waking up in the morning, trying to get excited -- hey, it's a brand new day!! -- until you FEEL ... that other shoe DROP! That's what happens when I go to stand up and am reminded, 'hey stupid, ahh... down here!'
Yep, either both knees are complaining or one is more painful than the other ... and I haven't even got started with the day yet!!! It feels like every day is work personified! It took years of learning and experimenting and trial and error, just to learn how to overcome the physical 'taunts of the pain' and to find a way to keep going. Many times I gave up, just stayed in bed or on the couch because I just couldn't or didn't want to deal with the Pain that comes from standing or walking.
That's the trial of disability; that's the daily work of disability: to keep trying, to keep adapting, and to not give up. It's why learning to live with a mindset of PATIENCE, is so helpful, and really key to improving ones Quality of Life. What do I mean? Of course the idea of 'Quality of Life' is somewhat subjective and relative to one's life experience, let me explain with an example, including this idea of living with a 'mindset of Patience'.
I live in Oakland, 15 minutes away, across the Bay, from San Francisco. Yippee!! (well not quite...) Unfortunately, now, due to the disability, I probably get to San Francisco only about three or four times a year! Compare that with how often I'd go to SF when I first moved here back in 1999, when I used to work at a jewelry store near the SFO, the San Francisco airport. I felt like I had the world by the tail. Yet fast forward to 2017, and amusingly, I have a family member who's always prodding me about 'why I don't go to SF' ... I just can't explain how difficult it is for me to do what everyone else seems to take for granted. (And really, that's the issue of 'Quality of Life' ...)
Just the other day I found out that one of my friends and his band was playing at a cool club in SF ... AND hey, I live only 15 minutes away! [Exciting right?!!!] But add the FACT (not an alternative fact, but a Fact) that to get there (and actually enjoy the concert, and not go insane), I have to take a certain amount of pain medications. [Ok, many people take medication ... not a deal breaker] But then, upon arrival, uh oh, the club also has stairs. Not just any ole half flight of stairs, but more like 20 to 30 of them! Now suddenly, there's unforeseen Consequences. That's when the 'mindset of Patience' is so really important ... 'cause I can say forget it, and leave ... yet Patience is about accepting the situation, accepting what is in front of us, acceptance of the suffering or the conflict.
So what of the consequences: the stairs (that I didn't know of) meant that my right knee would grind to a halt with every step, and my left knee would begin to feel like someone started using a carving knife on it with each step. (Wonder why I don't get out more often???) But no one knows this except me. And that's also the interesting thing about pain, no one can see it! Pain is invisible!!! That's the thing about disability, it's far more easy to just chill at home, than to go out. But I decided to stay, support my friend, and really enjoyed the show!! Sure everyone was dancing, and I can't, but that's no big deal ... I still soaked it all in and enjoyed some great music. To me that's a product of cultivating the mindset of Patience and thus having a better Quality of Life ... at least trying to maximize it!
Does that example enable you to see a little bit of the difference in the Quality of Life that I once had, and have now? I think I went through every stage of grief, probably two or three times, but now I try to roll with the punches instead of getting upset, or being angry, vindictive, etc... etc... (who put those darn stairs there anyway!) and live each day with a mindset of acceptance and of Patience. Where I fail at times is when I'm driving!! Darn if I can't hold my tongue. It's as if people deliberately drive slow in front of me, just for fun!!! But isn't that the challenge of life, to hold and maintain our mindset of peacefulness and Patience ... no matter the circumstances. That reminds me of something my Gramma once said, 'one the toughest things in life is dealing with other people' ... and I'd have to agree. I think we could all use an extra helping of Patience, while we're interacting with one another.
And so, I accept that I can only go to SF a few times a year ... and that's ok. I'm GRATEFUL for those events and special occasions!! So I have to be careful and pick and choose when I'm going to go (and where too). It's a weird kind of discrimination, but it's important to understand what limitations I have because of Pain! Sometimes, I get ready to go, and then realize, Wow, I'm in a lot of pain already! So I have to decide to stay home. Sometimes, I get part way to the event and realize that there's no way I can make it through, and so I have to turn around. There's no way it makes sense to go when the pain has already reached a certain level. That's part and parcel of having a disability: I have to listen to my body and be considerate of myself and how I feel. This is very much the lesson of: 'Know Thyself' ... AND learning to be patient with who I am too :)
I wasn't always good at Patience, much less being present, nor understanding what or how I was feeling physically. (perhaps experience is indeed the best teacher) But I think I've made progress: where once I used to isolate myself, because I wasn't used to dealing with the chronic pain (especially with a loving and patient attitude) ... now I understand that I can't let the pain be in charge or control!! Additionally, I came to realization of the value and true importance of human interaction. That's also changed my Quality of Life! In fact, I've learned that the simple act of 'Asking for Help', is an incredible skill itself ... one that I wasn't very good at initially, but with practice, have really come to rely upon! Only just last year did I realize the significance of 'asking for help' ... Why? Because neither social isolation nor extended solitude (both of which are SO easy for me with my disability) are healthy to our human self! Rather, it's in our interactions, and our sharing (the good times and bad) with others, that rewards us, particularly emotionally.
We're social beings ... beings of unity. We like to enjoy one another, and we need one another ... that's Interdependence, and that's the human condition. That's been my experience ... and I've found that my Quality of Life is much better when I'm with others, sharing an emotional connection, interacting, being social, asking for and receiving help if necessary, and if possible serving too! Speaking of serving, oddly enough, it seems that having a mindset of Patience has best served my situation and disability. It takes a lot of practice, often with failures, but I see the practicality and usefulness in being steady and balanced, given all I'm going through, and I feel that cultivating a mindset of Patience is a tremendous gift. Patience sure seems necessary, especially given the current political climate.
To close, I'm curious if either idea: 'Quality of Life' & the 'mindset of Patience' ... found a particular resonance within you? Do you see a similar connection like I do? I'd love to hear some examples of how your Quality of Life increased as a result of practicing a 'mindset of Patience'. It's always nice just to receive your comments. Thank you!
Till next time ...
my name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Friday, January 20, 2017
Perseverance and Pain: Inside and Out
HEY!
Thanks for taking the time to read my Blog. I admit it was tougher than I anticipated it would be, to open up and share my experiences. So I'd like to give thanks to all who continue to encourage me!! I sure appreciate YOU!!
Ps. Please enjoy a little WylieMuz groove in the background while you read:
Reverbnation WylieFunk
And so ... here's another PainPAL installment:
Blog 2
Perseverance and Pain: Inside and Out
It's been a trial to accept that I'm disabled, especially when doctors hold out hope that their surgeries will make me better. Well, I've been disappointed before, with surgical failures and physical therapy setbacks. Yet recently it occurred to me: stop expecting anything from anyone, even yourself. It's a funny thing Expectation, funny because I can disappoint myself when I expect something of myself and don't follow through (ick!).
Now that's INSIDE stuff (and honestly, thankfully, I've become a LOT less self-judgmental than I used to be)! Increasingly I've come to learn more and more about the difference that exists between what is within, on our inside and that which is external, i.e. what's outside. The internal and the external (sounds like the old movie title ' The Agony and the Ecstasy'). Even the idea of body, mind and spirit is esoteric to some, but because I've been living in Pain regularly for the past so many years, I've developed a heightened sense of what's really Inside, and what's Out.
I've decided that Pain is external to WHO I AM on the Inside.
Things like my thoughts, feelings, emotions ... love, happiness, joy, sadness, sorrow, despair ... that's all Inside 'stuff'. So is Perseverance; so too, acceptance, grieving, anger and hopelessness. Yet when I experience Pain, whatever the level (depending on how much I walk or weight-bear), I've begun to see it like a signal that's outside myself ... like a stop light (usually red of course). Perhaps a better metaphor is that Pain acts like waves upon a Ship at sea.
I'm the Ship, the waves act like Pain ... sometimes it's calm, but more often than not, the waves beat against the boat, at times seemingly out of wack, as if the tides are high. Sometimes the waves are sporadic, going in and out rapidly, at other times it's like a tidal wave, sometimes the water vanishes like when my knee buckles from pain ... regardless, here I am, the Ship, being rocked about, up and down, slammed, relentlessly beaten, sometimes to the point of being capsized. That's why the phrase, 'I'm at the end of my rope' or 'I'm hanging in there' actually has a literal meaning for me.
Through it all, I've learned that as you run out of patience, what you have left (perhaps all you have left) is perseverance (and Faith too, if you're God fearing). I never thought of myself as having much patience, but when you begin to experience Pain daily, you're forced to adapt, and then have to manage your life differently (a job in and of itself -- one I'd ask of no one).
Each and EVERY day demands a set of actions (and not your typical normal lifestyle) just to keep going. At times, the daily demands of disability feel more like a trial, and Perseverance and Faith become even more important. Much of my time seems devoted to managing to staying afloat (when patience is the key), dealing with the Pain and consequences. At the least, I've finally recognized that I can't stop the waves ... because they're Outside me. I can choose however, how I handle them Internally, by learning to manage myself and my actions, with patience and resilience.
Hopefully, as the disability continues, it'll help me grow in character and spiritual maturity, and I'll find myself making positive progress towards my Hopes, Goals and Dreams.
Till next time ...
my name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Thanks for taking the time to read my Blog. I admit it was tougher than I anticipated it would be, to open up and share my experiences. So I'd like to give thanks to all who continue to encourage me!! I sure appreciate YOU!!
Ps. Please enjoy a little WylieMuz groove in the background while you read:
Reverbnation WylieFunk
And so ... here's another PainPAL installment:
Blog 2
Perseverance and Pain: Inside and Out
It's been a trial to accept that I'm disabled, especially when doctors hold out hope that their surgeries will make me better. Well, I've been disappointed before, with surgical failures and physical therapy setbacks. Yet recently it occurred to me: stop expecting anything from anyone, even yourself. It's a funny thing Expectation, funny because I can disappoint myself when I expect something of myself and don't follow through (ick!).
Now that's INSIDE stuff (and honestly, thankfully, I've become a LOT less self-judgmental than I used to be)! Increasingly I've come to learn more and more about the difference that exists between what is within, on our inside and that which is external, i.e. what's outside. The internal and the external (sounds like the old movie title ' The Agony and the Ecstasy'). Even the idea of body, mind and spirit is esoteric to some, but because I've been living in Pain regularly for the past so many years, I've developed a heightened sense of what's really Inside, and what's Out.
I've decided that Pain is external to WHO I AM on the Inside.
Things like my thoughts, feelings, emotions ... love, happiness, joy, sadness, sorrow, despair ... that's all Inside 'stuff'. So is Perseverance; so too, acceptance, grieving, anger and hopelessness. Yet when I experience Pain, whatever the level (depending on how much I walk or weight-bear), I've begun to see it like a signal that's outside myself ... like a stop light (usually red of course). Perhaps a better metaphor is that Pain acts like waves upon a Ship at sea.
I'm the Ship, the waves act like Pain ... sometimes it's calm, but more often than not, the waves beat against the boat, at times seemingly out of wack, as if the tides are high. Sometimes the waves are sporadic, going in and out rapidly, at other times it's like a tidal wave, sometimes the water vanishes like when my knee buckles from pain ... regardless, here I am, the Ship, being rocked about, up and down, slammed, relentlessly beaten, sometimes to the point of being capsized. That's why the phrase, 'I'm at the end of my rope' or 'I'm hanging in there' actually has a literal meaning for me.
Through it all, I've learned that as you run out of patience, what you have left (perhaps all you have left) is perseverance (and Faith too, if you're God fearing). I never thought of myself as having much patience, but when you begin to experience Pain daily, you're forced to adapt, and then have to manage your life differently (a job in and of itself -- one I'd ask of no one).
Each and EVERY day demands a set of actions (and not your typical normal lifestyle) just to keep going. At times, the daily demands of disability feel more like a trial, and Perseverance and Faith become even more important. Much of my time seems devoted to managing to staying afloat (when patience is the key), dealing with the Pain and consequences. At the least, I've finally recognized that I can't stop the waves ... because they're Outside me. I can choose however, how I handle them Internally, by learning to manage myself and my actions, with patience and resilience.
Hopefully, as the disability continues, it'll help me grow in character and spiritual maturity, and I'll find myself making positive progress towards my Hopes, Goals and Dreams.
Till next time ...
my name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
Monday, January 9, 2017
16 years of Disability ... so far
Welcome to PainPAL
My name is Wylie. I've been disabled for just over 16 years now, and I'm still waiting on double knee replacements. It's my age the doctors all say; at 42, you're too young to have the surgery, and you need to wait as long as you can.
Well F*ck! That sucks! 16 years of disability, plus what's ahead, that's a helluva LOT of Pain to be going through day in and day out. If anyone ever asks, it's WORK in and of itself, to live with REAL, saw-slicing pain, day in and day out. But that's LIFE ain't it?!
Actually, it's my life, my burden, my path .... and to persevere, with patience and dignity, courage and above all, by FAITH, is how I've kept going, kept moving, stayed active, and NOT GIVEN UP, during these YEARS of suffering. Yes I experience deep depression too, but I've found answers for myself, that keep me going. AND isn't that the KEY?? to keep going???
Of course when in PAIN, and then in order to minimize the pain, I tried passivity. But being passive has put me through a test I could not have imagined. Thankfully, I witnessed the courage of my Godfather, as he went through Muscular Dystrophy from start to death ... a disease that has no fix or cure ... a disease that degrades the muscles. What amazing courage he showed through his life.
Now, it's my turn to live with a situation that really tests me each day. Now, I need to find that strength within MY self. And oh! the acceptance ain't the easy part either. I think that took me some eight to 10 years, before I finally engaged with this new situation in a positive way.
Disability is a completely different, new and foreign identity, with daily struggle, body in pain, with a mind that wants what it once was able to do, to BE, and now, wanting out of the Pain too! Yet, thankfully, through my FAITH, and regular spiritual practices like prayer, meditation and going to Mass, plus with the help of doctors, I'm able to manage my situation with some measure of balance.
It's SO easy to lose your way because of pain! Because of the passivity, I'd isolate myself. I did so for years before discovering that it wasn't that helpful, and that asking others for help was REALLY Positive, as was their company! I was ok with being alone (though I'm actually a social butterfly when healthy); I had been an independent adult, working as a jewelry store manager, when I slipped on a throw rug and fell. Seven-some surgeries later (with two more reconstructions) and my life is forever changed.
Thankfully though, I'm also an artist (jewelry designer, singer and songwriter). Of course with the disability, I can't walk or concentrate for very long, but I still can think, still can design, still can write, still can Sing! And that's the point of a disability: Adapt, find out what you can and can't do, then Do What You Can. Learning to let go of my able-self was really, REALLY TOUGH. I think I still grieve sometimes. I don't really bargain with God, but I do tell God that I could do more if I were able-bodied again.
And yes, there is some hope of the next surgeries working. The last two (partial) replacements failed within three months each however. And WOW! what a bummer that was! Remember that old comic sketch of the deer standing with the bulls-eye on his side, and the caption: 'Bummer of a birthmark Hal' ... yeah, that's kinda what that's like. Going through all the surgery, Physical Therapy, pain, Hope, work, unknown, uncertainty, and nope, not better. It wears on your insides.
Those two surgeries took a lot out of me emotionally, and, each day I still have to feel the pain emanating from my knees. It often knocks me off my game ... all the damn time! It's kinda shocking really, when I try to act normal or walk when I should be using my wheelchair. And as a man, in this society, that seems to have lost its' moral courage and moral compass, being disabled isn't something aspired to! Quite the opposite.
Use the motorized scooter at the Safeway or Target, and you'll see what I mean. Everyone looks at you as if you might have a communicable disease! Really though, most people are kind-hearted, yet, you will NOT FEEL THAT when you're riding around. That's why I usually wear my sunglasses; those looks are unsettling, as if something is really wrong with me ... but I'm the one in PAIN!!!
Where has the COMPASSION gone?
That's one theme I'll discuss in depth in this PainPAL blog. My hope is that in sharing my situation, you and others who read the blog, may gain something from the sharing. If you have a question or comment, I'll do my best to answer.
I plan on writing every week, or every two weeks, depending on how I'm feeling. Whether you are disabled or not, everyone goes through pain of some kind: physical, mental, emotional, etc... I'd like to believe that in some small way, I can reach people who're hurting, just to share, and, so you know you're NOT ALONE. Truth is, we're never alone.
I learned that God is always with us ... it's just up to us to ASK!
That's what happened to me. In a moment of horror, when all seemed dark, and I felt LOST for all eternity, I asked God, "Are you there? If you are, please help me!" And would you believe, there was a knock at the door just then. When I opened the door, I looked in disbelief: there wasn't anyone there!! God's been a part of my life ever since. And I know with certainty, no one is ever alone. NO ONE. We are connected in ways we'll never understand. And that's AMAZING! So, don't be afraid.
Open your heart and let's go on a journey of discovery together.
Till next time ....
my name is Wylie, and I'm your PainPAL
My name is Wylie. I've been disabled for just over 16 years now, and I'm still waiting on double knee replacements. It's my age the doctors all say; at 42, you're too young to have the surgery, and you need to wait as long as you can.
Well F*ck! That sucks! 16 years of disability, plus what's ahead, that's a helluva LOT of Pain to be going through day in and day out. If anyone ever asks, it's WORK in and of itself, to live with REAL, saw-slicing pain, day in and day out. But that's LIFE ain't it?!
Actually, it's my life, my burden, my path .... and to persevere, with patience and dignity, courage and above all, by FAITH, is how I've kept going, kept moving, stayed active, and NOT GIVEN UP, during these YEARS of suffering. Yes I experience deep depression too, but I've found answers for myself, that keep me going. AND isn't that the KEY?? to keep going???
Of course when in PAIN, and then in order to minimize the pain, I tried passivity. But being passive has put me through a test I could not have imagined. Thankfully, I witnessed the courage of my Godfather, as he went through Muscular Dystrophy from start to death ... a disease that has no fix or cure ... a disease that degrades the muscles. What amazing courage he showed through his life.
Now, it's my turn to live with a situation that really tests me each day. Now, I need to find that strength within MY self. And oh! the acceptance ain't the easy part either. I think that took me some eight to 10 years, before I finally engaged with this new situation in a positive way.
Disability is a completely different, new and foreign identity, with daily struggle, body in pain, with a mind that wants what it once was able to do, to BE, and now, wanting out of the Pain too! Yet, thankfully, through my FAITH, and regular spiritual practices like prayer, meditation and going to Mass, plus with the help of doctors, I'm able to manage my situation with some measure of balance.
It's SO easy to lose your way because of pain! Because of the passivity, I'd isolate myself. I did so for years before discovering that it wasn't that helpful, and that asking others for help was REALLY Positive, as was their company! I was ok with being alone (though I'm actually a social butterfly when healthy); I had been an independent adult, working as a jewelry store manager, when I slipped on a throw rug and fell. Seven-some surgeries later (with two more reconstructions) and my life is forever changed.
Thankfully though, I'm also an artist (jewelry designer, singer and songwriter). Of course with the disability, I can't walk or concentrate for very long, but I still can think, still can design, still can write, still can Sing! And that's the point of a disability: Adapt, find out what you can and can't do, then Do What You Can. Learning to let go of my able-self was really, REALLY TOUGH. I think I still grieve sometimes. I don't really bargain with God, but I do tell God that I could do more if I were able-bodied again.
And yes, there is some hope of the next surgeries working. The last two (partial) replacements failed within three months each however. And WOW! what a bummer that was! Remember that old comic sketch of the deer standing with the bulls-eye on his side, and the caption: 'Bummer of a birthmark Hal' ... yeah, that's kinda what that's like. Going through all the surgery, Physical Therapy, pain, Hope, work, unknown, uncertainty, and nope, not better. It wears on your insides.
Those two surgeries took a lot out of me emotionally, and, each day I still have to feel the pain emanating from my knees. It often knocks me off my game ... all the damn time! It's kinda shocking really, when I try to act normal or walk when I should be using my wheelchair. And as a man, in this society, that seems to have lost its' moral courage and moral compass, being disabled isn't something aspired to! Quite the opposite.
Use the motorized scooter at the Safeway or Target, and you'll see what I mean. Everyone looks at you as if you might have a communicable disease! Really though, most people are kind-hearted, yet, you will NOT FEEL THAT when you're riding around. That's why I usually wear my sunglasses; those looks are unsettling, as if something is really wrong with me ... but I'm the one in PAIN!!!
Where has the COMPASSION gone?
That's one theme I'll discuss in depth in this PainPAL blog. My hope is that in sharing my situation, you and others who read the blog, may gain something from the sharing. If you have a question or comment, I'll do my best to answer.
I plan on writing every week, or every two weeks, depending on how I'm feeling. Whether you are disabled or not, everyone goes through pain of some kind: physical, mental, emotional, etc... I'd like to believe that in some small way, I can reach people who're hurting, just to share, and, so you know you're NOT ALONE. Truth is, we're never alone.
I learned that God is always with us ... it's just up to us to ASK!
That's what happened to me. In a moment of horror, when all seemed dark, and I felt LOST for all eternity, I asked God, "Are you there? If you are, please help me!" And would you believe, there was a knock at the door just then. When I opened the door, I looked in disbelief: there wasn't anyone there!! God's been a part of my life ever since. And I know with certainty, no one is ever alone. NO ONE. We are connected in ways we'll never understand. And that's AMAZING! So, don't be afraid.
Open your heart and let's go on a journey of discovery together.
Till next time ....
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